


All The Dreams You Never Thought You'd Lose

by chelseachelseaIbelieve



Series: Addy Verse [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-05
Updated: 2013-03-24
Packaged: 2017-11-28 09:02:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 42,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/672641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelseachelseaIbelieve/pseuds/chelseachelseaIbelieve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I suck at summaries so I am hoping the allure of the mystery will draw you in. Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews and a baby...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And I Won't Tell No One Your Name

**Author's Note:**

> I have about 3/4 of this typed up in rough format but I am going ahead and posting the first part to see if this is even worth continuing, so let me know. Also a HUGE thanks to Cass for seeing this through with me from the very beginning and holding my hand and also to cathedralhearts for literally picking this beast apart for me. Any further errors are completely my own.

The last thing Jonathan expected to find when he opened his door was his mom standing on the other side. But there she was, and she was holding one of those weird child car seat in her hands that had one of those hood things that zipped up the front, so you couldn’t tell if there was a baby in there or like a goats head or something.

“Surprise,” She deadpanned as she thrust the carrier at him. “Don’t jostle it, she just fell asleep. She’s been cranky the entire trip and so help me God if you wake her up...”

“Her? What?” Jonathan asked as his mom brushed past him out of the cold and he held the carrier as far away from his body as he could. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? And why do you have a kid? Whose kid is it anyway? David didn’t pull some stunt, did he?”

Andree uncurled the scarf from around her neck, “No, but apparently you did. She’s yours.”

What the actual fuck?! 

Jonny almost let go of the carrier altogether as his mind blanked, and the contraption started to slip through his fingers. He caught it but the damage was already done; he had woken the child. A small muffled whimper sounded before growing steadily louder.

Andree sighed. “Or, so I was told when some girl showed up at the house yesterday claiming to have given birth to your daughter.” She shot him her best you fucked up big time, mister look before walking over, unzipping the cover and pulled what might have been the tiniest human Jonathan had seen since right after Maddy was born. She cradled the child against her chest, pulling a blanket out of the carrier and positioned it around the baby’s face to block out the light.

“And you just took her word for it?” Jonathan let out a sigh - sometimes his mom was way too gullible.

“It’s hard to get any answers from someone when they literally push a baby in to your arms and then take off without so much as telling me their name. She was in her car and pulling out of the driveway before I realized what was even going on. It was snowing and I had this little one in my arms. I couldn’t very well chase her down, now could I?”

“Jonny, what the fuck are you watching, man? I could have sworn I just heard a baby. Are you watching Look Who’s Talking again because fuck, you have a weird obsession with that movie,” Patrick asked as he rounded the corner, eyes going wide when he noticed Jonny’s mom. 

“Sorry for the language, Mrs. Toews... I didn’t know you were coming,” Patrick’s glared at Jonny.

Patrick smiled and walked towards Andree, his arms outstretched, his expression goofy, but when she turned around and he noticed the once-again sleeping baby in her arms, he froze.

Jonathan couldn’t deal with everything… all of this, all at once. He knew Patrick needed, deserved, an explanation, but at the moment, he wasn’t even sure what exactly he would be explaining. “Maman, there is no way she is mine. Like zero chance!” Jonathan caught the way Patrick seemed to stop breathing, sucking air in through his teeth; his eyes going wide as he stood still behind Jonathan’s mother.

Patrick was freaking out – well, so was Jonny, so join the goddamn club.

“Well, considering she looks about 3 months old, that would be right on time with when you came home for Christmas last year,” his mother said, swaying back and forth in that weird way people tended to do when they held kids.

Jonathan racked his brain, trying to remember back almost a year ago. He had been messed up when he went home, completely unsure of what the fuck was going on between him and Patrick. Actually, not really between them, but everything around them. He specifically remembered David taking him out one night with the objective of getting him completely shitfaced.

Fuck. 

All he could remember was waking up in some woman’s bed the next morning, his head feeling like it was trying to explode and his stomach staging a mass exodus. He’d quickly left the apartment, electing defiantly to walk the half a dozen blocks to his parents’ house rather than take a cab.

“Fuck!” Jonathan refrained, at least, from yelling when he realized that it could be true. 

Patrick caught the corner of his eye. He looked about three shades paler than usual and was backing silently from the room. Jonathan side-stepped his mom quickly and caught Patrick’s arm just as they both turned the corner. He knew, better than anyone, how Patrick reacted when he felt lost or abandoned, glaring fucking obviously in his eyes.

Jonny knew he couldn’t ask a lot of him, but he had to ask for this. He would beg if he had to. 

“Please, just… don’t leave. Stay.” Jonny whispered, trying to catch Patrick’s eyes that were busy studying the floor furiously.

Patrick closed his eyes but the tension in his shoulders remained. 

“I’m just… gonna go to the room. I need to think… and not see you right now.” Patrick bit his lip.

Jonathan nodded quickly. He could totally do that. He let go of Patrick’s arm and stepped away. Patrick hesitated for a second before climbing the stairs as quickly as his legs would allow.

Jonathan sagged forward for a moment, his forehead pressed against the cool surface of the wall. He breathed in and out a few times before standing straight up and walked back to where his mom was waiting patiently. She had put the baby back in the carrier and was gently rocking it with her foot. For a second Jonathan just looked his mom over, marveling at how calm and collected she was, fully realizing that all of their lives had just been irrevocably changed with the appearance of this baby.

“Okay, so the timing could work, I guess. But still… there was only one time and how do I even know if it was the same girl?! And if all of this happened yesterday - why didn’t you tell me before now?” Jonathan reasoned, grasping at straws. He looked down at the carrier, and from his position he could see two tiny little hands poking out from beneath the drawn hood. His heartbeat sped up double-time in his ears.

“Jonathan Bryan Toews! How many times have I told you that all it takes is one time?” Andree’s voice raised for a second as she leaned forward and pocked her finger in to his chest. She shook her head. “I wasn’t about to do this over the phone. Listen, I talked to Anthony and he told me what our options are.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? My lawyer knew about this before I did?” Jonathan hissed. He was sure his mom knew that his anger was not directed at her, so much as it stemmed from how colossally this could dick up his life no matter what the outcome was. But, she still flinched and Jonathan felt like the shittiest son to ever exist. His mom hadn’t asked for any of this, and regardless of whether the kid was actually his or not, she was dragged in to the whole situation because of him. He needed to keep reminding himself that, like always, she was just trying to do what was best for him. “Je suis désolé, maman. What did Anthony say?”

Andree’s head tilted to the side, her arms opening up. “First of all, give your mother a hug. Second, let’s go to the living room and maybe you could start some coffee? I have a feeling this is going to be a long night. We’re not doing ourselves any favors by getting worked up in the middle of the foyer. We will figure something out, my love.”

Jonathan’s feet shuffled the few steps between them as he all but collapsed in to her arms. She smelled like she always did; like every memory he had of his childhood, and he could feel his pulse slowing down, if only a little bit. When he pulled away, he helped her out of her coat and hung it and her scarf in the closet while she picked up the carrier and headed towards the living room. Jonathan grabbed them both a bottle of water out of the fridge to drink while they waited for the coffee, looked fleetingly towards the stairs as he passed before joining her on the couch. She had the carrier propped up on the coffee table and the hood was still unzipped; the lighting in the den was dimmed and didn’t seem to bother the sleeping baby. Jonathan couldn’t help but to stare at her. Searching her face for any sign that would let him know either way what the truth was.

His mom accepted the water and nodded towards the baby. “I think she has the Toews chin. But it might just be wishful thinking.” she shrugged.

“Wishful thinking?” Jonathan asked, surprised. “You want her to be mine? Do you know what this will mean for me… for all of us, if she is?”

“Children can be very inconvenient at times. I’m not going to sugarcoat it, Jonathan, especially in your position, with your job and your responsibilities. But does a part of me hope that this little one really is my grandchild? I don’t think I even need to answer that. Kids can be a pain in the ass, but they can also be the best thing you’ve ever done.” Andree’s eyes fell back to Jonathan as she smiled fondly at him.

“So what did Anthony say?”

Andree placed her bottle of water on the coffee table beside the baby carrier and turned towards her son. “Since the child was essentially abandoned with no legal documentation and no way of knowing who the mother is, it is more complicated than most. Anthony is required to put a listing in the Winnipeg Free Press over the next 3 days and see if anyone comes forward. If someone does then we bring the baby back and they go from there, but if not then we have 2 options. Our first option is to take her to an orphanage, Child Protective Services or we could even drop her off at a local fire station or police department. There are multiple “safe haven” sites in Chicago that allow children to be dropped off no questions asked. That is if we don’t want to find out if she is or isn’t your child. Then you can go about your life as you were before.” Jonathan both liked and hated that idea, and he didn’t really know why. All he did know was that his mom was sending him clear signs that that wasn’t going to happen. 

Andree cleared her throat. “Or we can have a DNA test run to find out for sure. If she isn’t yours, then we can either relinquish her to the state of Chicago or take her back to Winnipeg. Either way, she would be placed in a foster home and wait to be adopted. Anthony did say that with her being as young as she is it likely wouldn’t take long.”

Jonathan nodded his head. “And if she is mine?”

Andree cupped his hand between hers in her lap. “Then you have more decision to make.”

Jonathan thought about it, but he realized there really wasn’t much to think about. As tempting as it was to just be done with it all tonight, he knew he couldn’t just give her up not knowing for sure. “Okay, let’s go take this test.” Jonathan decided, standing up and patting at his pockets in search of his keys.

Andree tugged at his shirt with a soft laugh. “It’s almost 9pm, everything is closed. We’ll go first thing in the morning.”

Jonathan nodded, looking back to the sleeping child. “Okay. But what are we going to do with her over night?”

“I’ve got enough supplies to last us until we can go and get everything else, but there are a few things we’ll need for the night. She needs something more comfortable to sleep in as well as a few other things.” Jonathan watched as his mom gently tucked the blanket more securely around the baby.

Jonathan zoned out trying to wrap his head around it all. He couldn’t fathom the idea that this little baby, this little girl sleeping peacefully in front of him could possibly be his.

He finally snapped out of it when he felt a poke at his side. “Huh? I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

Andree offered him a sad smile. “I was saying that I’m going to have to run to the store but it shouldn’t take very long. You’ll be okay, right?” When she noticed the color drain from her son’s face she grinned and patted his hand. “You’ve been around your cousins when they were this little. Besides, she’ll probably sleep the entire time I’m gone. You’ll be fine.”

Jonathan nodded. “Will she be okay on the table like this?”

“She’ll be fine but you can put her on the floor if it will make you feel better. She can sleep in the room with me tonight, unless you would rather she sleep in the room with you and Patrick?” Andree hedged.

“She can stay with you,” Jonathan was quick to say. “I’m not even sure if I will be sleeping in the room tonight or not. After all of this I might be sleeping on the couch as it is.

Andree frowned slightly. “That’s fine. But the thing with this test is, Anthony said that the results will take about six weeks to get back.”

Jonathan’s eyes widened and the world seemed to drop out from under him for the second time that day. six weeks?! “What does that even mean?”

“Anthony said that we can keep her until the results come in and then go from there, or we can give her over to be placed in foster care until the results come back.”

Jonathan didn’t say anything at that. How could he take care of a baby for the next 6 weeks with his schedule? They were in the middle of the season, for Christ’s sake!

Andree could see her son’s mind working against him, and she patted his cheek.   
“Let’s get through tonight, and get this test done first thing tomorrow. Then we will go from there. I’m not going to just abandon you. We’ll figure this all out.” Jonathan stood up and hugged his mom. He could breathe easier knowing his mom would be there to help him, whatever he decided to do. 

Andree pulled his attention back. “My love, while I’m gone you need to talk to Patrick. This isn’t just going to affect your life, but his too. Work it out with him, you’re going to need him - no matter what happens.”

Jonathan nodded. He was so afraid; afraid of so much right now he didn’t even know where to begin. But she was right; he did need to talk to Patrick. 

While this was technically about him, his life stopped being just about him a long time ago and had started being about them. Something like this had the potential to destroy them if he didn’t handle this right.

Andree looked in on the baby once more before grabbing her son’s car keys off the hook and accepted the credit card he pulled out of his wallet. “I have my cell phone if you need anything, but there’s formula in the bag I brought. Just follow the directions.” 

Jonathan walked as far as he could without losing sight of the carrier to see his mom out. She opened the door but stopped when Jonathan called out to her. “What’s her name?”

Andree shrugged. “The girl didn’t tell me and there was no birth certificate with her.”

How was that even possible? “What? You said she was like, 3 months old. How does she not have a name?” Jonathan couldn’t even wrap his mind around that. Sharpy and Abby had Maddy’s name picked out months before she was even born.

“I don’t know, my love. Maybe her mother thought it would be easier to give her up if she didn’t name her?” His mom slipped out the door with that, shutting it quietly behind her.

Jonathan looked back to the carrier. It was so small in and of itself and the baby was still so tiny. How was it possible for a kid to not have a birth certificate? He wasn’t really familiar with protocol for that kind of thing but he remembered Sharpy bitching about having to fill out paperwork to get Maddy’s birth certificate. Surely the mother had done the same, right?

But, the woman had literally dropped her child off at a stranger’s house without so much as giving the kids name so Jonny wasn’t entirely sure rational thought should be attributed to the woman, whoever she was. It was incredibly frustrating because Jonny felt like his hands were tied. He really didn’t want to put the kid in foster care because he’s worked closely with many children’s charities with the Hawks. He’d visited orphanages. He really couldn’t hand her over to that life. But he also had no clue how to even attempt to find her mother, and six weeks felt like an eternity.

Not to mention he still had to talk to Patrick.


	2. You Don't Belong To No One, That's A Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 100% Jonny and Pat trying to work through what Jonny did and what this all means for them. Movement in the plot will happen in the next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many thanks to Cass and cathedralhearts for the hand-holding and the beta-ing!! This would so not even exist without them. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

From: Jonny  
To: Patrick  
can we talk?

Jonny knew going to their room would be too much after Patrick asked for space, but he also knew he needed to talk to him tonight, and he really needed to do it while his mom wasn’t around.

Jonny had no idea what he was going to say to Patrick, but he had to say something. He had to do something because if Patrick was going to leave, Jonny wasn’t going to let him go without a fight. He’d never thought that he would have to try to explain to the person he loved why he had cheated on them. That was something other people did. That wasn’t something he did. But he did do it and while his stomach was twisting and turning, Jonny tried to figure out himself why he’d done it. Yeah he had been confused when David had taken him out drinking, but needing to be with someone else had never crossed his mind.

But he had and now he had to face Patrick and hope this wouldn’t be the end for them.

While he waited for Patrick to reply, praying he wouldn’t just ignore him, Jonny fiddled with a toy that hung from a strap around the carrier’s handle. It was an odd looking elephant with different colored and patterned material all over it and a mirror on its belly. Parts of the material was crunchy while another part felt like a washcloth; it was weird as hell and Jonny winced when it made a small squeak. He peeked at the sleeping baby, relieved when she didn’t stir. With no one else around, Jonny let himself study her more closely.

She was so small, even for 3 months old, or at least from what he remembered of his younger cousins when they were around this age. He couldn’t really see anything in her features that made her look more or less like him; maybe his mom was right about her chin, though. Quite frankly, she looked like just about every other baby he’d seen before. She had dark, almost black, straight hair and he wasn’t sure what color her eyes were. Her fist was pressed against her cheek and she was making this weird sucking noise. He was just happy that she didn’t look like those little alien babies, with the wrinkled skin and high-pitched cries. Those things freaked him the hell out.

His leg jerked when his phone vibrated and pulled it out from where it was wedged between his leg and the couch cushion and quickly tapped the screen.

From: Patrick  
To: Jonny  
where are you? 

From: Jonny  
To: Patrick  
in the living room

To: Jonny  
From: Patrick  
on my way

Jonathan smiled at his phone. This was a good start.

He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to do something with his hands and expend some of this nervous energy that had been on a slow burn since he’d opened the front door.

On top of possible impending fatherhood he had to do serious damage control to salvage what had become one of the most important things in his life. He was on a mission, but he had a sinking feeling like this was something that very well might not work out no matter how hard he tried and that scared the shit out of him.

He could hear the dull thud of Patrick’s feet hitting the stairs; not the usual race of anxious footsteps that was common for the blonde but a more methodical gate of someone who was actively trying to make himself move forward.

Patrick walked slowly into the living room, his eyes scanning the room, before settling on the baby carrier that was still propped up on the coffee table. He raised his chin, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Sleeping?”

Jonny stood up but didn’t move, his fingers flexing nervously at his sides. Patrick stopped about 10 feet away and Jonathan had to force himself not to move towards him. He had to respect that Patrick was keeping his distance and not push him. “Yeah, Mom went to get some stuff we’d need for the night.”

Patrick nodded, rocking back on the heels of his feet. “So what’s going on?” He motioned between them and the carrier. Jonny was relieved to see that he wasn’t clenching his fists or gritting his teeth because when he got really pissed off he turned in to this little explosive ball of emotions and nerves that he couldn’t seem to control. But Patrick was oddly calm and that both settled Jonny but also frightened him at the same time. He really had to hope that Patrick hadn’t already made up his mind.

Jonny sank back into the couch, his head dropping into his hands. “I don’t know, man. We’re going tomorrow to have a DNA test run but that takes like 6 weeks to get the results back. I have to decide what to do for at least that long… until we know for sure.”

“So there’s a chance…?” Patrick asked pointedly, his voice trailing off. Jonny didn’t need to look up; he could hear the confusion and hurt in his voice.

Jonny nodded into his palms. “There’s a chance.”

There was a long moment of silence. Jonny was afraid to look up. Afraid if he did that there would be nothing but air; that Patrick had already turned and walked away.

“But it was Christmas. We’d been together since just before Thanksgiving. I don’t get it?” Patrick spoke up. Jonny couldn’t tamp down the instant relief he felt even when the blonde sounded so hurt. He was at least still there. “You were the one that pushed for us to be together, told me that we could make it work no matter what! When you went home that time, I thought… things were good and when you came back things were even better. That’s when you asked me to move in. How do you go from being with me to sleeping with some random in less than a month and then come back like nothing was wrong?” Patrick’s voice was getting pitchy as he tried to remain in control of his emotions. He knew yelling wouldn’t solve anything and from personal experience he also knew that children tended to not sleep through blown out screaming fits.

“I don’t know.” Jonny groaned, scrubbing at his eyes with his knuckles until all he saw were white burst behind his eyelids. “I got home and I started to freak out. I went to tell my mom about us and fuck, you know she loves you … and I couldn’t get the words out. It scared the hell out of me that I couldn’t even tell my own mom.” Jonathan scratched at the back of his head in frustration. Try as he might, he still didn’t fully understand why he had done it.

“Goddammit, Jonny! You’d said that it was just us that mattered, no one else. If they didn’t like it, fuck them!” The betrayal was starting to creep in, giving a slightly hysteric edge to Patrick’s words.

Jonny’s leg started bouncing from the nervous energy that was coursing through him, prickling his skin; his heartbeat screamed in his ears. “I know! It was everybody else that sent me out with David that night and all my stupid fucking issues. I could make excuses all night but I really don’t know why I did it.”

Patrick threw his hands in the air before closing his eyes and taking a few deep breathes. “But what does that even mean?!”

“It means that I screwed up so fucking bad, Patrick. It means that my life might be fucking over in 6 weeks… or hell - now, depending on what you decide to do.” Jonny finally looked up and met Patrick’s eyes. 

There was a lot that Jonny was expecting Patrick to do. Punch him, call him every name in the book, turn around and leave, even. 

What he didn’t expect was for Patrick to roll his eyes and push at his shoulder rather forcefully as he sat down on the couch. He put distance between them but he definitely was closer than he had been a few moments ago. “Stop being so melodramatic. I’m not going anywhere, at least not right now. Your life is not going to be fucking over if the kid turns out to be yours, either. You’ll deal and make it right, like you always do.”

Jonathan didn’t miss the intentional you and not we in that last sentence. Baby steps, he had to remind himself. Patrick had said that he wasn’t leaving - that was enough for now. And he was right; he would make it alright. Somehow. 

Patrick fixed him with a glare but sighed. “I’m not saying I’m forgiving and forgetting just yet, but I’m willing to let the whole drunken hookup with anyone who wasn’t your fucking boyfriend go. But, it’s conditional…” Jonny nodded, his hands itching to touch the blonde. He couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Do I need to worry about this happening again?” Patrick cocked his eyebrow, almost daring Jonny to say the wrong thing. “Because, this is it! I’m out if you pull this shit again.”

Jonny’s eyes grew wide, his head shaking furiously as he refrained himself from grabbing Patrick’s hands and shaking them wildly in relief. “No, of course not! I promise. I’ll never do that again, I swear! I’ll make you trust me again, no matter what.”

The corner of Patrick’s mouth turned up slightly but he still looked so sad. “I do trust you, Jonny…” Patrick spoke quieter than he had before, his head dipping as he fiddled with the loose thread at the seam of his shirt. “This isn’t about me not trusting how you feel for me, or whatever bullshit you’ve got in your head. Even though we were together back then, we never actually talked about being exclusive…”

Jonny started to speak up, to tell Patrick that it still didn’t excuse what he did but Patrick punched him in the shoulder. Hard.

“Shut the fuck up and let me finish. I had assumed that we were exclusive but we never really talked about anything. So we are talking about this now. This is both of us promising we’re it for each other, if we are going to do this, we’re going balls to the wall with it. No take backs.”

Jonny couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He had to admit, with actual physical proof right in front of them that he’d cheated on Patrick, he was sure that it would be too much for Patrick to handle, at least right now. He had expected many things. This was not even close to being one of them. Jonny wanted to lunge at Patrick, wrap his arms around him and tell him he could never leave now that he said that; but Patrick still needed time and he also needed to know what he was getting in to. 

“You’ll do that? Even with the possibility of all of this?” Jonny motioned towards the sleeping baby. “Because I still don’t know what I am going to do about her…I’m telling you, if she ends up being mine I just don’t think I can give her up. If she is mine, she’s mine. And if you’re saying what it sounds like you are saying, she’d be yours too.”

Patrick scooted closer to Jonny, if only to lean forward to get a better view of the baby. “Of course you would. You could never give her up, no matter how freaked out you are right now. You could never walk away. Look, I have no idea how we’re gonna do this. I can’t even begin to think of everything that’s gonna go into taking care of a child, especially with our jobs, but we’ll figure it out.”

Jonny hunched forward, the air leaving his chest when Patrick finally said we and it took everything in him not to cry right then and there. “You know, old Patrick would already be balls deep in the bar crawl right now.” Jonny laughed ruefully. In the year since they had been together, and even for a while before that, Patrick had been working sovhard to turn the public’s perception of him and to prove to everyone that he deserved and wanted to be in Chicago; playing for Chicago. The pride that Jonny felt whenever he thought about how far Patrick had come was almost suffocating.

Patrick took his cellphone out of his back pocket. “Yeah well old Patrick was a giant dick.” He took a couple pictures of the baby and began typing something on his phone. “New Patrick is fucking awesome and crazy mature.”

From: Patrick  
To: Jackie Kane  
check out my new kid…tell no one if you want to live. need babysitter so get your unemployed ass down here.

He knew it would only be a hot minute before all of his sisters blew up his phone because texting one was like texting them all, but he couldn’t resist. Let them lose their mind for a bit before he would explain what was going on. Regardless, they were going to need a babysitter because Jonny’s mom wouldn’t be able to just move in with them for the next 6 weeks. They were going to have to find someone who could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still want more?


	3. You Could Hide Beside Me, Maybe For A While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> enter Sharpy and Co.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thanks once again to Cass and cathedralhearts for everything they do!! You both are aces...any and all mistakes are my own and no one else's.

The next morning Jonathan, Patrick, and his mom sat down at an ungodly hour to try to figure out what they were going to do as far as whether or not to tell anyone about the baby. They’d quickly realized, however that they needed to tell the Blackhawks management as well as Q and the rest of the team because there was no way Jonny and Patrick were going to be able to keep them from finding out without it affecting their game. So, at 7am he’d set up an emergency meeting with the head management team.

That is how they ended up walking in to the large conference room with the baby carrier in tow and told them what little they knew. They had all agreed that facing this issue head on was the best scenario, and Jonny couldn’t help but feel more at ease knowing he wasn’t going to have to hide his life and a child for the next six weeks. 

Everyone in the room did a commendable job hiding their shock for the most part, when faced with the two biggest faces of the franchise not only confirming what everyone knew, that they were in-fact together, but also that they had somehow acquired a kid in the last 24 hours. After a few seconds of awkward silence, everyone sprung to action. PR was coming up with multiple options as to what they would tell the press and how they would spin this until the results came back. Jonathan, for his part, had told them that he wasn’t adverse to just telling the truth but the potential backlash was enough to warrant more thought on the matter. 

The team physician, not possessing the proper equipment or connections to perform the swab test in private, had called up a friend he trusted to handle the procedure. Of course, this other doctor had had to sign confidentiality papers but Jonny felt like they were able to get a lot accomplished in that one meeting. He always felt more relaxed when he was being productive.

His general anxiety had lowered to about a seven once they were leaving, his chest not feeling so tight as they piled back in to his car and headed out to get breakfast.

Going home, however, and realizing that now the only thing they could do was wait, ratcheted his anxiety back up to an eleven. If Jonny felt calm when he was getting shit done, then he felt downright spastic when he was forced to wait something out. 

Patrick hadn’t asked Jonny to sleep on the couch the night before, but there had been no contact at all. He might as well have created a chastity barrier with a wall of pillows. The message was loud and clear - Jonny wasn’t even close to being off the hook but Jonny was totally okay with that. He honestly didn’t know how he would handle things if the situation was reversed and he couldn’t help but think that Patrick was maybe being too forgiving to him.

Patrick had elected to ride in the back with the baby to the meeting, speaking low and soft and ducking his head down in to the carrier to blow raspberries on the baby’s cheek, which elicited odd little noises from the infant. Jonny kept glancing in his rearview mirror, not sure what he was looking for, but aware that the feeling he got was unnamed and frightening as he gripped the steering wheel tighter.

Once they got settled back in the house, Jonny pulled out his phone, knowing there was a call he really needed to make. Most of the guys would find out soon enough but there was one he couldn’t leave to find out from the press release they would all be sent just before it went to press.

“What’s up Cappy?”

“Sharpy? Hey. Uh, there’s kind of something I need to tell you before you hear it from anyone else. You might want to come over…”

30 minutes later Sharpy, Abby and Maddy were bouncing excitedly in the hallway as Jonathan stepped aside to let them in the apartment. They shucked their coats, scarves, hats and gloves, throwing them all rather unceremoniously at Jonny before heading in to the living room. Patrick made grabby hands at Maddy, taking the excited toddler from her mother, while Sharpy and Abby kissed Andree’s cheeks as they passed by. Abby bent over the portable bassinet Andree had bought the night before practically squealing with delight when she saw the baby. It didn’t take long for Sharpy to join her and their weirdly synchronized gibberish made Jonny’s nose wrinkle.

Was that really something people did outside of movies?

Abby reached in to the bassinet but stopped, looking to Jonny for permission to pick the baby up and Jonny just shrugged his shoulders. 

He figured there were only a few people he could trust more to not drop the kid than Abby Sharp so he told her to go for it. Patrick was sitting on the couch with Maddy in his lap, eyeing Jonny pointedly. Jonny rolled his eyes; he didn’t need Patrick’s reminder. He was already doing a masterful job of not letting Jonny forget that he had still yet to even pick the baby up.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t going to or whatever… he knew he couldn’t logically go six weeks and not pick her up, but the idea of actually doing it was setting his nerves on edge. Made his arms feel like jello and boneless.

“And what is your name?” Abby cooed, looking up at Jonny expectantly. The baby grabbed Sharpy’s finger as he tickled her cheek, giggling loudly when Sharpy started acting like he was biting her belly.

Jonny shrugged once more, knowing the question was bound to come up, but was really sure what to say. Patrick spoke up, instead. “She doesn’t have one.”

“What the fuck?” Sharpy’s head snapped up. Patrick clamped his hands over Maddy’s ears. “What do you mean, she doesn’t have a name?”

Jonny sighed. He didn’t really understand where the confusion would lie in his statement. “Her mother didn’t give her one!”

Sharpy stood up, his face scrunching in distaste. “What kind of next-level bullshit is that? That is like going to give her some kind of identity crisis or something. Give her a name.” He demanded rather forcefully. 

Jonny backed up, even though he was clear across the room from his teammate. He looked to his mom for help but she just shrugged her shoulders like she agreed with him. Traitor.

Jonny waved his hand towards Patrick dismissively. “He’s already got a long ass list, but what am I supposed to do? I don’t know how to go about naming a kid I just found out existed a day ago.”

Sharpy’s glare deepened, but Abby placed her hand on his chest, the baby nestled high on her shoulder. She fixed Jonathan with her eyes, her voice remaining calm. “She really needs a name, Jonny.”

No shit, he thought. “But she might not be mine… I don’t think I should be naming a kid that isn’t mine.” Jonny reasoned. Why was it so hard for people to understand this concept? 

“But what if she is yours?” Andree questioned, eyebrow raised almost in a dare.

Sharpy turned around and made his way towards Jonny. His hand came down strong on Jonathan’s shoulder, demanding Jonny look him in the eyes. “I got your number, Jonathan.” Jonny could think of only one other time Sharpy had called him by his full name before. He winced. He really didn’t want to think about that time. Nope. Not at all.

“You aren’t hard to figure out, man. Regardless of whether you find out if she’s yours or not, she is yours until then. It fucking sucks that you have to do this, not knowing; but I know you and you’ve already made up your mind. I know you’re scared but you are going to give that baby a name. Until you find out otherwise, you’re someone’s daddy. It’s not fair to ask you to do this, because you will fall in love with her, believe it, and if it turns out she isn’t yours you’ll feel pain like nothing you’ve ever felt before, but you have to do it.” Sharpy’s eyes softened, shoving at Jonny’s shoulder in hopes his friend would understand what he was getting at. He didn’t want to be mean but everyone else seemed fine with letting Jonny go at his own pace, but Sharpy knew that sometimes Jonny needed prodding in the right direction and then he would take off. This was all kind of a big deal.

Jonny bit the inside of his lip and breathed out heavily, sagging against Sharpy’s hold. “I know… but what if… I just…”

Patrick had enough. He’d been watching Jonny watch the baby all morning and he could see it in his eyes that he wanted to get closer to her but something kept pulling him back every time Patrick thought he was finally going to do it. Patrick handed Maddy to Andree, took the baby from Abby and walked over to Jonny. Sharpy moved aside and Patrick held her towards Jonny, pushing her gently to his chest until Jonny’s arms finally wrapped around the infant.

This wasn’t about Jonny not knowing how to handle a baby; this was about him not knowing how to handle how he would feel about her.

Jonny’s breath caught as he stood stalk still, the baby wiggling slightly against his chest until she was content.

Patrick stepped back, let his hand rub at Jonny’s back for a moment before returning to the couch and back to Maddy. He started up another round of “Patty Cake”, which never failed to make Maddy dissolve in to a mess of giggles, but he never took his eyes from Jonny. Everyone was watching Jonny but Patrick felt like he was actually physically incapable of looking away. He didn’t understand how someone could look so uncomfortable doing something but also look like they were meant to do it all along.

Jonny moved the baby, making sure she was secure in his arms. Studying her eyes, touching the ends of her jet-black hair, Jonny suddenly felt like he couldn’t take it all in at once.

After a few minutes his nose alerted him to a new issue, his face scrunching up when the baby kept grunting softly. Sharpy was clutching at Abby, practically losing his mind with laughter. Jonny didn’t see what was so funny.

Andree grabbed a diaper out of the bag beside the couch and stood up but Sharpy stopped her. “I got this Mama T… I’m sure you could use a break, eh? Sit back down and let me teach the young lad a few tricks from the master himself. Kaner, don’t be a bum, get the ladies something to drink.” Sharpy scolded, taking hold of Jonny’s elbow and directed him towards the spare room that his mom and the baby had slept in the night before.

Patrick rolled his eyes but got up, going in to the kitchen to see what they even had to offer anyone. They’d never been particularly concerned with keeping the fridge stocked even during the best of times. He couldn’t help but grin when muffled cursing filtered out of the bedroom as Patrick could hear Sharpy call Jonny a few choice names. A few minutes later, when he was bringing the last glasses of iced tea into the living room, Sharpy and Jonny made their way back in to the living room. Jonny was wearing a different shirt, but Patrick wasn’t about to ask what had happened. Jonny’s scowl was enough to tell Patrick that this was probably one of those times he should keep his mouth shut.

Sharpy took over at that point, showing Jonny and Patrick how to sterilize the bottles and mix the formula, how to check it to see if it was too hot. He even showed them how to take a wet wipe and run it under their nose in case a diaper was particularly awful - said it saved him from losing his lunch many times. They eventually left after a couple hours, promising to go through Maddy’s old clothes, toys and other essentials that she had long grown out of and would bring by the following day before practice. They even offered to watch the baby while Patrick, Jonny and his mom went to the store to get everything they would need.

Jonny and Patrick gave Sharpy a lot of shit, all the time, but it couldn’t be denied that he was particularly useful sometimes. Patrick resigned himself to messing his hair up only once during practice the next day.

Patrick carried Maddy to the door. Sharpy and Abby spoke to Andree briefly, bundled themselves and Maddy up and said their goodbyes. Sharpy threw a final “Give that baby a name!” before he closed the front door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so glad and touched that you guys seem to like this so far, but feedback is the ultimate motivator!!!


	4. Life Is More Than Who We Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys decide (finally!) on a name for the baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, a million and one thanks to Cass and cathedralhearts for literally everything they do!! Hope you like this chapter...a little alone time for the three of them, with a little Andree thrown in for good measure, lol!

“Absolutely not!” Jonny said as he made his way down the stairs and in to the kitchen.

Patrick was close on his heels. “Come on!”

“No!” Jonny stood in front of the sink, looking back and forth between the baby in his arms and the bottle on the counter. He had gotten better over the past week when it came to juggling multiple things at once. Like changing a diaper while brushing his teeth in the morning and trying not to be late for practice, which admittedly was probably not the most hygienic combination to try to pull off. But he wasn’t too sure he could manage keeping a safe grip on the baby and making her a bottle all at the same time. She was so damn wiggly. “End of discussion, now take her so I can get this together. She’s already pissed enough.”

Patrick reached out, carefully taking the fussy baby and making faces at her in an attempt to calm her down. She was having exactly none of his shit. “You know, judging solely on how grumpy she gets when she is hungry, it’s probably safe to say she’s yours based on that alone… and no, not end of discussion. I am opening the discussion back up. Give me one good reason why not?”

“I am not naming her Patricia; no way in hell!” Jonathan rolled his eyes, holding the bottle up to make sure he had the right amount of water in before adding the powdered formula. The kid ate quicker than they seemed to be able to keep the food in her. They’d taken her a few days ago to the doctor for a checkup on their search for a pediatrician, and the doctor had suggested adding baby cereal with the formula to give it a thicker base and keep her full longer. It also had the added bonus of keeping her asleep for more than an hour at a time during the middle of the night, which Patrick and Jonny, and their neighbors no doubt, we thankful for. Of course, Andree had suggested the same thing, and it’s not like Jonny didn’t trust his own mother; because, let’s face it, she had raised him and he was pretty fucking awesome, but having that professional opinion made him feel better.

The first time Patrick had made a bottle with the formula and cereal he’d said he felt like one of the mad scientist in the old black and white movies his grandpa always watched. Jonny had agreed with the ‘mad’ part.

Patrick opened his mouth to protest but Jonathan silenced him with a look. “I’m not naming her Patty either.”

Patrick deflated. The baby grabbed his finger and started sucking on it, momentarily stopping the angry cries. Jonny scrunched his nose…exactly how sanitary could that be?

Jonny finished the bottle, made sure it was the right temperature and then took her back. He headed back up to their room, turning the tv off on his way, and settled on to the bed. This had become one of his favorite things to do since he had taken over fully with the baby. His mom, of course, had shown him how to hold her “like a football” to feed her but for some reason he liked this way better; he liked being able to watch her while she ate. She made the weirdest faces… something Jonny worried she was quickly picking up from Patrick; the guys had made a game, last season, of taking pictures on their cell phone while he ate. Everyone pretty much lost when Shawzy had taken a rather impressive picture of him eating BBQ ribs one day. Jonny still wasn’t sure how he had managed to get the sauce on his forehead and his left elbow.

Patrick sat facing him, his feet on either side of Jonny’s hips. “But seriously, have you thought any more about it, because she really needs a name - if only to stop the phone calls from Sharpy. You know, earlier today he actually called, grunted into the phone and then hung up. He’s so fucking weird, man.” Patrick twirled a piece of the baby’s hair between his fingers. Jonathan couldn’t remember ever seeing so much hair on a kid before. His mom loved to remind him that he was pretty much bald the first year of his life and what little hair he did have was so blonde you could hardly see it. He wondered if she got all that hair from her mother? He couldn’t even remember what she looked like, not really. He could probably pass her on the street and not even know it and that freaked him the hell out.

Jonny sighed, shaking the thoughts out of his head. “It’s all I can think about, because neither of you will leave me alone about it.”

“So?” Patrick poked at Jonny’s shin repeatedly. Jonny probably wanted nothing more than to kick Patrick, but the baby in his lap meant he couldn’t move. It really was awesome, what having this kid around allowed Patrick to get away with. And he took full advantage of it.

“If I tell you, will you fucking stop doing that?” Jonathan growled.

“You know, you really should watch your language around her,” Patrick laughed as Jonny’s eyes went wild. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop. Now tell me.”

Jonny didn’t say anything at first. He just stared down at the baby in his lap, his eyes narrowing as if he was trying to summon the child’s name from within by sheer will alone. The baby pulled off the plastic nipple with an audible pop, staring back at Jonny just as intensely. Patrick had freaked out the first time she’d stared at him like that. It still made Jonny laugh when he thought about Patrick muttering something about psycho babies and leaving the room even though the movie they had been watching wasn’t even half-way through . The corner of his mouth pulled up. “I don’t have anything for her middle name yet, but I was thinking about Adelaide. What do you think?”

Patrick shifted slightly, his grip on Jonny’s ankle tightened. “It doesn’t matter what I think, as long as you like it.” 

Jonny shook his head. “No, I’m asking you. I know I’ve been giving you shit, and I am still not naming her any variations of your name, but I want your opinion,” He shrugged. “This is about you too, you know?”

Patrick kind of loved that idea. That Jonny wanted to include him on major decisions involving this kid that Patrick was quickly falling head over heels for. He liked that his opinion mattered and what he thought could very well affect the outcome of someone’s life… hopefully in a positive way. “Well then, I love it.”

Jonny squinted at him, trying to decide on his sincerity. “Really?”

Patrick crawled up the bed to sit next to Jonny. He poked his finger in the baby’s palm and she instantly grabbed hold. “Adelaide… Ad-e-laide… Addy. Shit, you know Sharpy’s gonna give us such shit for that - Maddy, Abby and now Addy.”

Jonny let it roll around in his head as the baby – Adelaide – finished the last drops in the bottle. It’d been in his head for the last couple days but he’d wanted to make sure it was right. He was getting a lot of shit for not naming her yet, but he felt like he could do far more damage giving her the wrong name to live with for the rest of her life rather than letting her go a few more days without one. This felt right, though.

Adelaide. 

“What do you think?” He whispered, ducking his head towards the bundle in his lap. She just smiled back up at him, a few drops of formula dripping down the side of her mouth.

Patrick reached across him for the baby, propping her against his shoulder on one of the many receiving blankets that seemed to keep multiplying and showing up at the most random places all over the house. Jonny wasn’t sure if he should be scared or impressed at how quickly the condo had been taken over by all kind of baby stuff. Patrick started patting her back, alternating between a sturdy thump that Andree had assured them was not too rough, and rubbing circles with the heel of his hand that she said would help work the gas out. 

“You get back to me when she actually answers you. You’re the dad. You pick the name.”

Jonny sat the empty bottle on the nightstand, scooting over and leaning in to Patrick’s side. There was still an obvious distance that Patrick was keeping with him since both their worlds had imploded. Patrick had apologized, because he really did want to get past it, but he admitted that it still hurt even if he logically could forgive Jonny. Jonathan still wasn’t so sure he deserved to be forgiven; at least not yet. 

So, he would take what little he could get here and there and hopefully one day they would be able to work past this. 

“But… what if I’m not her dad?” he whispered, picking at a loose thread on Patrick’s sweats. “What if this is all for nothing and then I have to just give her back. I mean, our lives could go back to how they were before…but I don’t think it will ever be the same. Not after everything that has happened.”

Jonny’s head rested on Patrick’s shoulder. Patrick closed his eyes, not really having an answer for him because he’d been asking himself the same question every day. “I don’t know how it could be the same, no matter what happens.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, lulled by the steady thump of Patrick’s hand on Adelaide’s back. It was kind of nice to just sit with each other and neither feeling the need to apologize or explain or talk things out or plan out their next move. They’d done enough of that in the past week to last a lifetime, though they both knew there would be plenty more or it in the future.

For right now though, it was more than enough to just be together, the three of them.

After a while a light knock pulled them out of their thoughts as Andree asked if they were decent from the other side of the door. Jonny laughed and called out for her to come in; but he remained curled against Patrick’s side, far too content to move.

Andree poked her head in the room before stepping in fully. She stopped for a moment, smiling at three of them huddled together in the middle of the large bed. “Sorry to disturb you, but I just wanted to let you know I’m going to head off to bed now. Are you sure you’ll be okay with her tonight?” She motioned towards the portable bassinette on the other side of the bed. “I could keep her with me one last time… I don’t mind, really.”

Jonny smiled at the thinly veiled hope in his mother’s eyes. He knew that going back home tomorrow was probably going to be hard for her, as she had grown very attached to the baby over the past week and a half since she had been dropped, quite literally, into her lap. 

“No, Maman. You need to actually sleep tonight, you’ve got an early flight in the morning. You have been more than amazing with all of this but we need to get used to doing this on our own.” Jonathan tried to reassure her, even if he was a bit worried himself. Logically he knew that his mom had to leave. She needed to go home; she had her own life to live. He was an adult; fully capable of taking care of a kid. He still kind of wished his mom could just stay with them forever, though, so when he inevitably screwed up she would know what to do to fix it. She always knew how to make shit better.

Andree’s eyes widened. “Is Jackie not coming?” She asked, looking toward Patrick. 

Patrick was quick to speak up; reassure her that they would not be completely alone. “No, she’s flying in tomorrow afternoon; we pick her up after practice. But this is still on us, not Jackie. She’s just helping out during practices, games and road trips, while she figures out what she wants to do since she quit her job.”

Andree bit at her lip nervously. “I could stay longer… really it’s no big deal. Your dad probably loves not having me around to nag him, and David has been keeping him busy.” She looked from her son to the baby that was now asleep on Patrick’s shoulder.

Jonny smiled, pushing himself away from Patrick. “I love you, but you need to go home. You’ll only be a phone call away if we have any questions, and Abby is close by.” Jonny reasoned.

Andree nodded. “Abby… she did say she would keep an eye on you boys for me.”

Patrick snorted. “She’d do better to keep an eye on her husband; he’s pretty much a giant child himself.”

“Abby’s bringing Maddy over while we go to practice and pick up Jackie from the airport. Don’t make me worry about you worrying about us, okay?” Johnny laughed.

Andree thought it over for a moment before nodding. “Of course you both will be fine, I’m just being silly. Okay, do you need anything before I go to bed?”

Jonny and Patrick shook their heads.

“I’m sure I’ll see you in the morning before I leave. She’s an early riser if ever I saw one.”

Jonny sat up straighter. “If we aren’t up for some reason, wake me up so I can say bye.”

Andree laughed. “If I know that child, you will be up. But on the off chance you are not, I will sneak in to say bye but you both need all the sleep you can get.”

Jonny looked back to the baby, remembering what he and Patrick had been talking about before Andree came in. His mom had been incredibly understanding when Jonny had said he needed time to come up with the right name for her. She never rushed him to make a decision. “Before you leave? Patrick and I… we decided on a name. I think.”

Andree’s eyes lit up, her smile looked almost painful. “And?” 

“What do you think about Adelaide?”

Jonny was almost worried when his mom’s eyes filled with tears. He moved to go to her, but she waved her hands at him to stay where he was. “Oh, it’s beautiful. Wait until I tell your father. He’s already planning a trip to come down this summer, you know. He’s busting at the seams to spoil that baby.”

Jonny tensed at that. It was kind of frustrating that everyone was going about making plans as if their lives weren’t steeped in uncertainty, hanging in the balance over which direction their lives would take without their control in a few short weeks. What if Adelaide –Addy – wasn’t still here in the summer? A month from now things would either be or they wouldn’t be…was he the only one who understood that?

Andree saw the uneasy look in her son’s eyes. She bent down and kissed his cheek, pulling him to her in a fierce hug. When she pulled back, she glanced at Patrick who was kind of stuck under the weight of the sleeping baby. She reached across Jonny, her hand coming to rest against Patrick’s cheek before blowing him a kiss.

“Back at ya,” Patrick said softly.

Andree headed back towards the door and Jonny could hear her whispering “Adelaide” to herself, getting used to the weight of the name on her tongue. “Goodnight, boys.” She called out, shutting the door behind her.

“Well I guess that was a yes from her,” Jonny smiled. He looked over to Patrick, who had burrowed down into the pillows so he was more comfortable, his hand absently running up and down Adelaide’s back as she slept contentedly on his chest. He was staring up at the ceiling, seemingly lost in thought. Jonny nudged him in the side. “Want me to put her to bed?”

Patrick didn’t move; his voice heavy. “In a few minutes.”

Jonny nodded, scooting down so that he was lying next to Patrick. After a few seconds, Patrick found his hand between their bodies, lacing their fingers together. “We’re gonna be okay, Jonny.” Jonny moved closer bringing their hands to rest against his chest and nodded. He really hoped Patrick was right about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is like oxygen!!


	5. A Tired Song Keeps Playing on a Tired Radio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pure fluff...Jonny, Patrick, Jackie and Addy having fun! Getting closer to the half-way point of the fic!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of doubling up on the fluff because things will start to get a little rocky in the near future!

Patrick hadn’t been able to spend this much time with Jackie since… well, probably not since he had moved out of his parents’ house at such a young age, when the girls were even younger, and Jonny knew that Patrick still felt bad about leaving them, even after all these years. Johnny probably should have expected something like this to happen.

After a rather late practice one evening in the middle of a five game home stand, Q had asked Jonny to stay behind so they could talk strategy with the coaching staff; discuss what was working on the ice and what wasn’t and try to figure out how to better solidify their game. They had won four of their last five games, which was good, but Jonny could never be accused of settling for just good. Jonny had fumbled around at first; distracted during practice and only a little better during games since getting Addy, but it was starting to come together for him. Patrick had fared slightly better, you could say, averaging just under two points a game.

But they were both still trying to get used to their new reality with Addy at home. Jonny had hesitated at first when Q had approached him in the locker room but Patrick had told him not to worry but to bring dinner home with him. 

So, when Jonny walked in to the living room a few hours later, bags of Chinese takeout in his hands and his practice bag slung over his shoulder, he wasn’t sure what to make of the situation.

Patrick and Jackie were sprawled out on the floor in matching plaid pajamas, their faces covered in some kind of almost neon blue gunk. Patrick was actually painting Jackie’s fingernails while she flipped through a magazine with her other hand, reading out loud between fits of laughter.

Jackie looked up at Jonny, laughing even harder. “Jonny, how would you say Patrick is as a lover: A- considerate B- demanding or C- god-like?”

Patrick leaned to the side to get a good look at Jonny, ignoring his sister’s giggles. “My nickname isn’t Eros for nothing, baby!”

“Who calls you that?” Jonny asked.

Patrick shrugged. “Everyone!”

Jonny shoved Patrick’s leg lightly with his foot. “No one calls you that, asshole.”

Patrick smiled brightly, the blue stuff on his face cracking. “I’m fucking starving. Any longer and I was about to start eating this shit off my face.”

Jackie shook her hand, drawing Patrick’s attention back to her nails.

“What the hell are you two doing?” 

Neither seemed to pay him any attention so Jonny kicked Patrick’s foot. “That shit is rank, where is Addy? That can’t be good for her to breathe in or whatever.”

“She ate and then passed out a while ago. She’s in her room,” Patrick paused, pointing to the baby monitor sitting on the coffee table a few feet away.

Jonny nodded, satisfied. Leaving the two to whatever the fuck it was they were doing, Jonny put the bags on the coffee table and went to the kitchen to grab what they would need, depositing his practice bag in the hallway on his way. When he walked back out Patrick was already going through the boxes of food, his face still blue. “You gonna be able to eat with that shit on your face? What is it, anyways?”

“Hell yes I can eat with it. It’s this face scrub Jackie and Erica came up with years ago; it’s made out of like, mint and wheat and I don’t know what-the-fuck else. Touch it! It tingles,” Patrick teased suggestively, leaning across the coffee table to rub his face against Jonny’s. Jonny fell back against the couch.

“The fuck I will. Is this like, a regular thing with you guys?” Jonny asked as he motioned between the two. He’d seen Pat’s sisters and parents plenty before, but usually only when they were visiting for a few days, or here during the playoffs. He really hadn’t seen them much since Patrick had moved in. He’d never really gotten to see them interact with each other like this before.

Jackie nodded and Patrick shrugged. “I was the oldest, but I was unfairly outnumbered. I played with them way more than any of them ever played with me. It was such bullshit,” Patrick whined. If he was trying to convince anyone he was put out by his sisters, he was doing a piss poor job.

“And the nails?” Jonny asked, tapping Patrick’s hand, a little relieved that his nails weren’t bright green like his sisters.

Jackie spoke up, dumping white rice and sweet and sour chicken topped with duck sauce on her plate, once she was satisfied that her nails were dry enough. “Have you ever tried to paint your own nails, Jonny?”

Patrick busted out laughing when Jonny shook his head.

Jackie rolled her eyes. “It’s a bitch, you get one hand to look perfect and the other looks like a five year old monkey gave it a go.”

Jonny…didn’t even know what that meant.

Patrick sighed dramatically. “They would suck me right in to doing their nails; pout their little lips and they knew I couldn’t say no. It was psychological warfare with those three, so brutal, but I eventually rocked it like everything else. Besides, who do you think is going to show Addy how to do her nails in a few years? You would probably get so stressed trying to make it perfect, you would scare the shit out of her.”

Patrick didn’t even try to use the chopsticks anymore, no matter how many times Jonny had tried to show him how, and just went straight for the spoon, shoveling rice and vegetables in his mouth.

“Hey!” Jackied hissed, poking Patrick in his side causing him to almost choke on a piece of chicken. “I can teach her stuff like that! Hello, I’m her favorite aunt.”

Patrick shook his head. “Well, right now you’re her only aunt…at least that she is aware of.”

Jackie grinned. “Damn straight. The only one that counts.”

Jonny thought about what Patrick said. Patrick’s assertion that he would be the one to teach things like that to Addy was contingent on two very important things happening. 

First of all, that Patrick would still want to be around in a few years. Despite the fact that he said he did, Jonny was still too afraid to trust it after how badly he’d fucked things up. Secondly, and most importantly, it all hinged on the fact that Addy would still be around then. 

Patrick, over the past few weeks, had been talking more and more about their future with Addy, about what they would do with her as she got older. How young was too young to get her her first pair of skates? Was it wrong that Patrick wished she might like girls when she grew up because the thought of her dating boys made him want to puke? Patrick was already convinced that Addy was theirs, was Jonny’s. It was like he refused to believe any other outcome was even possible.

Jonny wished he could have that kind of blind faith, but he just couldn’t. Cautious optimism, maybe, but he couldn’t let himself get caught up in the world that Patrick was living in where the results they would be getting in less than 3 weeks were only a formality - a foregone conclusion.

After a few minutes, Patrick started poking at his own face. “Okay, I’ve got to go chisel this shit off. It’s so hard I can barely talk, man!”

Jackie snorted. “Then by all means, keep it on!”

Patrick dove at her, narrowly missing sending all the food to the floor with them as they rolled around. For the advantage that Patrick had with his muscles and core strength, Jackie was still able to put up a good fight and managed to get on top of him a few times before he rolled them back over.

Jonny laughed as he watched them.

Jackie finally gave in after Patrick threatened to lick her arm, which what the fuck? before he got up and made his way upstairs. Jonny and Jackie talked while Patrick was gone, mostly making fun of Patrick with Jackie sharing some rather invaluable stories from when Patrick was little that Jonny made a mental note to clue Sharpy in to in the future.

10 minutes later, Patrick came back in to the living room, fresh-faced and carrying Addy. “Look who woke up!”

Jonny looked quickly to the baby monitor that was now shoved in to the couch cushions, probably from when they were eating. “I didn’t even hear her.” He frowned. 

Fuck, he really sucked at this shit. He couldn’t even keep track of a baby monitor long enough to hear his maybe-kid wake up.

Patrick nudged Jonny’s shoulder as he handed Addy to him. “Stop freaking out, she wasn’t crying or anything. I looked in on her on my way back down, and she was just lying in the crib staring up at the spiny thing.”

“The spiny thing?” Jackie tossed a crumpled napkin at him. “It’s a mobile, you douchebag.” Patrick threw a fortune cookie at her head.

That at least made Jonathan feel a little better that she hadn’t somehow been upstairs crying for who knows how long, while he sat oblivious one floor below. He held Addy up so she was standing on his knees. She was chewing on her fist, drool covering her entire hand. Jonny laughed, poking her cheek with his nose which caused her to giggle and smack him in the eye with her wet fist. He rubbed his face on the soft fabric covering her belly. It was really only fair since it was her slobber to begin with. It made her squeal louder, grabbing his hair in her tiny hands, trying to eat it.

“She’s probably hungry, how long was she asleep?” Jonny said trying to wiggle his head from her grip.

“She was out for a few hours before you got back... so yeah, she is probably hungry. I’ll get her a bottle,” Patrick jumped up and grabbed some of their discarded plates and headed towards the kitchen. Patrick had been volunteering to make the bottles and clean up after they ate so that Jonny could have more time to spend with Addy.

Jonny turned Addy around so she could see the rest of the room; he positioned her on his knee, his chest at her back and his arm around her stomach to steady her and bounced her gently up and down.

“Oh my god, you have to see this!” Jackie exclaimed as she scrambled up off the floor; heading over to the stereo. “Patty, come here!” She yelled and waited for Patrick to come back in the room with the bottle in hand.

She pressed a few buttons before “Chelsea Dagger” started playing. Jackie looked expectantly at Addy, so Patrick and Jonny did too, waiting for whatever was supposed to happen. A few seconds later when the chorus kicked in, Addy’s little feet started kicking on either side of Jonny’s knee as she started squirming around. Jonny tightened his grip but couldn’t stop laughing.

“Pat set my ringtone to it like, as soon as I got here and I guess after hearing it these last few days she started to recognize it. So, when I noticed she would do that, I played it and this is what happened,” Jackie yelled over the music as she motioned to Addy who was still kicking her feet wildly, gurgling around her fist.

Patrick pulled his phone out to take a video.

“Who are you sending that to?” Jonny grinned. This was the first time that they had really been able to get more out of Adelaide than random cooing and grunting. This was like, actually her. She wasn’t just that little blob that he had kind of gotten used to having around. For the first time he could see that she had her own little personality.

“Our moms, the girls, Sharpy, Q, fuck it… I’m just going to send it to everyone on my phone.” Patrick laughed loudly, smiling so hard his dimples were out in full force. Jonny was glad that they had decided not to keep all of this a secret and to be upfront about it all, because he had quickly realized that Patrick would never have been able to keep quiet. He was constantly taking pictures and videos of Addy; appointing it his job to keep their parents up to date with anything new or cute that he thought they should see.

Once Patrick put his phone away with the song running on a loop, he grabbed Jackie and the two started dancing around the room, hamming it up for Addy and singing along horribly. Jackie still had the blue stuff on her face and the two were definitely a sight to see. Addy’s little feet kept kicking wildly until her giggles became hiccups and she leaned back against Jonny. She was quickly losing interest and growing tired so Jackie turned the stereo off, clutching her sides as Patrick collapsed beside Jonny, kissing Addy’s cheek with a playful growl.

“Wait until the boys see that. Jacks, you are definitely going to have to bring her to a game so she can hear it live. We’ll probably have to get her those little headphones because it gets loud even in the boxes. I’ll score 5 goals if it means she’ll do that every time,” Patrick gasped out, trying to catch his breath as he reached for the bottle he had set down on the coffee table, checking to see that it was still warm and handed it to Jonny.

Jonny repositioned Addy in his arms and she hungrily latched onto the nipple, sucking the formula down aggressively. Jackie started picking up the containers and trash off the table, sticking her tongue out at Patrick as she walked by them towards the kitchen. Jonny leaned back in to the couch as Patrick repositioning himself beside him, pulling his knees up to his chest and weaving his arm between the couch and Jonny until his hand rested at Jonny’s hip. Jonny smiled to himself, leaning down to hid it with a kiss to Addy’s hair. Whenever Patrick initiated contact after these last few weeks, it took everything Jonny had in him to not actually fistpump the air like a nerd. Patrick ran his fingers gently over the crown of Addy’s head as she snorted softly. Patrick reached over and took the bottle from Jonny, looking to him in a way that he understood. Jonny released the bottle, snaking his arm around Patrick’s shoulder and pulled him in closer, his lips at Patrick’s temple. Addy sighed, with the formula almost half gone as her eyes started to drift shut. Patrick rested his head lower on Jonny’s shoulder, squeezing Jonny’s hip.

For the first time Jonny let himself wonder; just maybe?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really want to thank everyone who has been giving this fic kudos and especially those who have been leaving comments. I've been trying to work in all the suggestions I've been getting and I love hearing what you all think...


	6. I Just Don't Want To Miss You Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have to navigate Addy's first cold!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been rocking the feedback and giving me some amazing suggestions that I have already started incorporating into the story and others I have plans for in the future!! I LOVE suggestions, and as I stated before, as long as they keep with the flow of the story, I will do my best to make it happen. Remember, more suggestions means more story, lol!
> 
> Also if any of you are on tumblr, hit me up - dannybriereisaliferuiner - Let me know if you find me from here so I can make sure to follow you back!!

This very well might be the worst that Patrick has ever felt. He’d dealt with injuries of varying degree, and even surgery before, but this was without a doubt the absolute worst. He and Jonny had woken up earlier that morning to Addy coughing and crying, her face splotchy, covered in snot and a fever high enough that they’d bundled her up and left the house immediately for the doctor’s office. The pediatrician had smiled, an empathetic hand on Jonny’s shoulder, and told them that Addy had just caught a bit of the cold that was going around. They were on orders to keep her hydrated, give her baby Tylenol and keep an eye on her fever – typical stuff. She’s assured them that she would be fine and noted that the first illness always seems the worst for new parents.

Waiting fucking sucked though, especially when Patrick had to listen to Addy cry because she was hurting and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it until Jonny got back with the medicine.

Thank God they didn’t have a game that day, only an optional practice. Jonny never missed practice, and Jackie had said they would be fine the few hours they would be gone but Jonny had refused. He’d called Q and everything had been settled. Though, Jonny did volunteer them both for extra time with the trainers and an extra hour after their next practice, which Patrick thought was totally unnecessary.

Patrick laid Addy in her crib and rubbed her back softly, her small little whimpers about enough to break his fucking heart. She coughed a few times and Patrick couldn’t help but wince at how awful it sounded, but she was falling asleep soon enough. Patrick backed up towards the door but as soon as he shut it behind him, however, he could hear the wailing start from the other end. It felt like he couldn’t get back in the room quick enough. He reached down in to the crib and picked her up. She settled against him bonelessly, hiccupping around her tears. She eventually calmed back down so Patrick slowly eased himself into the glider that Andree had insisted they would need.

The back and forth rocking motion didn’t seem to help as her whimpers grew to a steady cry. Patrick tried walking around the room but the only thing that seemed to help was when she was laying down so Patrick tried that again. Except this time, she cried even harder as soon as he put her back down on the mattress. Looking around, Patrick wasn’t really sure what to do so he did the only thing he could think of. 

He grabbed the cushion off the glider and tossed it onto the floor, grabbed the blanket hanging on the side of the crib and tossed it down on the floor. Addy squirmed against his chest for a little bit until she was comfortable; her feet curled up under her with her butt in the air and her thumb in her mouth. Patrick draped the blanket over her and started whispering every nursery rhyme and lullaby he could think of, trying not to hold on to her too tight.

Jonathan came back a few minutes later, stopping for a moment when he saw the two curled up on the floor. As much as he really didn’t want to bother Addy, his mom had insisted that he give her the Tylenol as soon as he got home.

Jonny crouched down, smiling softly at Addy. She wasn’t asleep; just looking back at him with red-rimmed eyes and chewing on her fist. Her nose was red and snotty and there was a dark spot on Patrick’s shirt where her drool had puddled and her breathing was kind of catchy. Patrick opened his eyes and looked to Jonny, but didn’t move. “I don’t want to move her, she just stopped crying,” Patrick whispered, his eyes just this side of desperate.

Jonny bit his lip; his hand gliding over Addy’s soft dark hair. His thumb smoothed over her cheeks where tear tracks were starting to dry. “I know, but we have to. The sooner we get this Tylenol in her the sooner she’ll start to feel better. Mom said if we think her fever is too high we can give her a lukewarm bath but let’s see what this does first, yeah?”

Patrick nodded and reached his hand out so Jonny could help him sit up as easily as possible without jostling Addy too much. “How much are we supposed to give her?” Patrick asked when Jonny took the bottle out of the box.

“Mom said the smallest dose,” he said as he studied the plastic syringe.

Patrick repositioned Addy so she was cradled in his arms. She wasn’t impressed with being moved at all as she started crying once again. “Come on ladybug, let us do this so I can stop feeling like a useless piece of shit and you can start feeling better,” Patrick sighed. Patrick never really allowed himself to feel useless when things were out of his control but everything about this was different. Feeling helpless with a sick baby was a special type of hell.

Jonny sucked the pink liquid up in to the syringe, making sure he had just the right amount and put the tip to the baby’s mouth. Patrick was startled when Addy managed to shriek loudly with her mouth clamped shut against the medicine.

Jonny sighed. “I knew this was going to happen. My cousins always hated taking medicine. Okay, fuck this is going to suck.” Jonny rubbed at his eyes. “Patrick, you hold her arms down so she doesn’t knock it out of my hands and I’ll try to get her to open her mouth.”

“What the fuck?” Patrick didn’t think they were going to have to restrain her. She was so little.

“Pat, listen, we have to get her to take this. It’s going to take the pain away, and hopefully reduce her fever. If you don’t want to do it, I can go get Jackie?” Jonny offered.

Fuck that, Patrick thought, he could do this. He just really didn’t want to. “Just make it quick.” 

Patrick took a deep breath and Jonny waited patiently as he held Addy tighter in one arm and used the other to keep her arms by her side. Addy started wailing even louder and Patrick squeezed his eyes shut. She looked so distraught as she fought weakly against his hold, but he knew it was the only way.

Jonny pushed her chin back and wiggled the tip of the syringe against her mouth but she still wasn’t budging. Patrick hissed. “Hurry the fuck up!”

“I’m trying!” Jonny said calmly. He pulled the medicine back for a moment, grabbing the binkie from the stand beside the rocker and offered it to her. Addy’s eyes flew open when she realized what it was and opened her mouth expectantly. Jonny took his chance, squeezed the liquid in the corner of her mouth and then popped the binkie in, hoping it would keep her from spitting the medicine back up.

It seemed to work. Addy’s face scrunched up as she swallowed the Tylenol, her cries reduced to a quieter pout.

“It’s done,” Jonny announced to Patrick, who still had his eyes closed. Patrick flinched slightly when Jonny’s hand cupped around his neck but his eyes finally opened. Jonny didn’t say anything about the little bit of moisture that had collected under Patrick’s eyes. He silently wiped it away with the pad of his thumbs as he smiled at him. Patrick looked worse than Addy.

Patrick looked down, a heavy sigh escaping his lungs. His arms tightened for a second before he motioned for Jonny to take the baby. “Here, you probably want to see her, yeah?” He said as he gently pushed the baby in to Jonny’s arms. He stood up quickly, tracking Jonny’s every move with Addy for a moment before leaving as fast as he could.

Jonny watched Patrick leave and kissed Addy’s soft hair. She coughed a bit, and the congestion sounded worse so Jonny stayed where he was on the floor until she was completely calm; the tension bleeding out of her tiny little body as she fell asleep. He sat there stroking her baby softly, not wanting to move her until she was fully asleep. Once he was satisfied that she was down for the count he collected her up placed her on the changing table and focused on getting her in a clean diaper and pajamas; hoping she would sleep most of the night. Lord knows she needed it.

The house was quiet as he walked out of her room, pulling the blanket around her tighter. He made his way in to the bedroom where Patrick and Jackie were huddled together on the bed. Patrick was sitting against the headboard; his head leaned back against it with his eyes shut; Jackie’s head on his shoulder as she picked absently at his shirt. He still looked upset and he barely acknowledged Jonny coming in, his shoulders tense but his breathing evening out.

Jackie lifted her head up and looked to Jonny. “How she doing?”

Jonny shrugged. He really felt like he had no clue what he was doing; didn’t really know how to answer that question because he had no idea how she was doing at all. “She fell asleep pretty quickly, didn’t even wake up when I changed her.”

Jonny settled down on the other side of the bed, pulling Addy up higher on his chest.

“My poor little lady,” Jackie frowned leaning over to kiss Addy’s forehead. She hugged Patrick’s arm tight before she scooted out from between him and Jonny. 

“That’s my cue, boys. You know where to find me if you need me.” 

Jonny looked around. He was trying to figure out how he was going to do this. He looked over to Patrick who was now lying on his side, his eyes fixed on Addy. “I really don’t want to leave her in her room like this.” One thing they hadn’t done was let Addy sleep in bed with them during the night. Sure she had taken naps with one or both of them a few times during the day but Abby had told them horror stories about trying to break Maddy from sleeping in their bed. But right now Jonny really just didn’t trust the baby monitor. He was terrified she would stop breathing or something in the middle of the night, and he wouldn’t hear it. Patrick nodded, understanding the fear.

“Can you help me?” Jonny asked with a sheepish grin.

“How do you want to do this?” Patrick asked quietly, looking around their bed.

“Um, I’m going to lay down and then can you put that other pillow against my side. Mom said she needs to be propped up on her side because she shouldn’t sleep flat on her back or on her stomach,” Jonny scooted forward and then lay back against one of the pillows, turning on his side facing Patrick. 

Patrick put the pillow up against his stomach, and Jonny laid Addy down so she was nestled between the pillow and his stomach, his arm curling around her so she couldn’t roll on to her back. Her little legs pulled up to her stomach and her hand grabbed on to his shirt. Her cough still sounded terrible but the pediatrician had said it should start to break up in the morning.

Once Jonny was comfortable and Addy was settled in, he looked back to Patrick. 

“C’mere.” He motioned for him.

Patrick smiled slightly, pushing his pillow over and slid as close as he could, with the pillow and Addy between them. Jonny hooked his ankle behind Patrick’s shin once Patrick pulled the comforter up to their waist, not wanting to overheat Addy. He hadn’t turned the light out beside the bed but that was okay; Jonny knew he probably wouldn’t get any sleep tonight anyways and he kind of wanted to be able to see Addy at all times.

Jonny reached over, slipping his free hand in to the front pocket of Patrick’s hoodie, scratching lightly at his belly. Patrick’s hand came over to rest on Jonny’s hip, between them, Addy whimpered but didn’t stir.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Patrick whispered, closing his eyes, steadying his breathing.

Jonny shook his head. “You did great.”

“That just… it really freaked me out, having to hold her down like that.” Patrick bit at his lip. Patrick was fine with being aggressive and controlling on the ice, but when it came to Addy, fuck that.

Jonny tugged at Patrick’s hoodie. “I know. It freaked me out too, but it didn’t hurt her… and she’s finally able to sleep.”

Patrick nodded. This was the side of parenting that they had never really thought about. Or at least he hadn’t. Taking care of a child when they are sick when all you want to do is make them feel better. He’d take it on himself if he could, but knowing he there wasn’t anything he could do had been rough. This entire day had been exhausting. If everything worked out like he hoped they would, there was pretty much a guarantee that they would be dealing with this and much worse in their future. Broken bones, chicken pox, strep throat…kids always seemed to have that shit.

As awful as it was today, Patrick would do it every day if the only other option was not at all.

“What are you going to do?” Patrick asked, squeezing Jonny’s hip.

“What do you mean?” Jonny lifted his head to get a better look at Patrick.

Patrick looked down at Abby. “In a few more weeks when we find out. What are you going to do.”

“If she is mine or if she isn’t?”

“Both.” Patrick shrugged.

Jonny looked down at Addy; at her little raw nose and the angry redness around her eyes. Her cute little upturned nose and slightly swollen lips. He listened, for a second, to her shaky breathing. “The truth?” Jonny asked, taking a deep breath. “I have no idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must warn you guys...my uncle is having surgery on Wednesday and we have family flying in tomorrow and staying with us for the next week for the surgery. So there is a chance I *might* not be able to keep with the chapter-a-night postings I have been doing. I will try my hardest to keep somewhat consistent but if for some reason a chapter isn't posted, have no fear, it will be posted ASAP!


	7. And There's No Time Left For Losin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bringing the team in a little bit for some fun...before things start to get a bit rocky for the boys!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry I didn't post this last night but I was just so exhausted from cleaning the house, picking relatives up from the airport and then cooking enough food to feed a small army because half the family showed up for dinner!! This is a bit shorter than my usual updates, but I am *hoping* to counter it by getting more up tonight. This new section is a brand new insert of a suggestion I got in a comment so I have to type it up between entertaining family, trying to catch the Flyers and the Hawks games...so please bare with me.

“Is this really necessary?” Jonny complained as Sharpy adjusted the contraption against his chest. “I don’t think it is.”

Sharpy tugged harder on the strap, catching Jonny slightly off balance. “She’s going to love this… if we can get Kaner to quit hogging her long enough to put her in it!” Sharpy yelled across the locker room; Patrick flipped him off.

Jonny had arranged months ago for a family skate on New Years Day, with full knowledge to the guys that it wasn’t optional. They had two days off between games and Jonny had figured this would be the best way to keep everyone from going too crazy on New Years Eve and end up sloshy during their game on the 2nd. He hadn’t known at the time, of course, that by the time it rolled around, Jonny and Patrick would be bringing their own little make-shift family, themselves.

While the whole team knew about Addy, they had largely kept their distance, probably due to the messy circumstances surrounding it, but it hadn’t taken long before they started getting on their case to meet her. They’d threatened mutiny if Jonny and Patrick left her at home with Jackie for the skate and the wives and girlfriends had been even less forgiving. Jonny had always operated under the theory of actively not pissing off the wives/girlfriends, so he’d promised that they would bring Adelaide.

As they had approached the noisy locker room, bogged down with an impressive amount of shit for Addy – Jonny was still not used to the actual amount of stuff that babies required even when leaving the house for only a couple hours – Patrick had shoved the gear bag he was carrying at Jackie and snatched Addy out of Jonny’s arms. He pushed the double doors open with more force than necessary to get everyone’s attention and then proceeded to parade her around the room, showing Addy off to the crowd. Jackie and Jonny looked at each other and shook their heads. Jonathan took the heavy bag with their skates from Jackie and dumped it near his stall.

20 minutes later, Sharpy and Abby had convinced Jonny to wear one of those harness things so Addy could go out on the ice with them. Sharpy had offered to put it on, himself, and take her around but Patrick vetoed that quickly. Patrick had been all ready to suit up and take her but Jonny said he would. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Patrick not to fall with Addy, but really, he barely trusted himself and he just couldn’t stomach the idea of anyone else taking that chance.

Patrick had reluctantly let Addy be passed around, moving with her as she was handed off from one teammate or family member to the next. They fawned over her – fucking right they did because she’s fucking awesome – and Jonathan had watched as Addy and Patrick ate the attention up.

Once Sharpy and Abby had the harness in place, Sharpy yelled over to Patrick, “Peeks, bring the monster!” Patrick took Addy from Shawzy, smacking him upside his head and glaring at him when he started talking to Jackie. Jackie laughed and apologized as Patrick grabbed her hand and led her away with a firm “No!” to the both of them.

Sharpy took Addy from Patrick. “Do you want her facing you or facing out? Facing you is probably more comfortable but facing out she will get to see the ice and everyone skating.”

Jonny really kind of wanted her to see this, experience it the right way, but he also didn’t want her to be uncomfortable the whole time they were out there, either. “Facing me. I doubt she is going to know much of what is going on, so…”

Sharpy and Abby showed him how to put Adelaide in and secure her to his chest. His arms instantly went around her when Sharpy let go. Sharpy had used the thing many times with Maddy, but all Jonny could see was Addy falling through the bottom or something equally as horrifying as he tightened his grip. Feeling the weight against his chest and firm pull of the straps at his back, he slowly let go, swaying slightly, testing the fabrics dexterity.

Satisfied that she was sexure, Jonny sat back down on the bench, marveling at how he was able to move so easily with his hands free. This very well might be the greatest of all the baby shit they had come across over the past few weeks. 

“We might have to get one of these,” he mumbled as he slipped his skates on and laced them up, glancing down at Addy. Her head was on his chest, turned so she could watch Patrick beside him putting his own skates on. Patrick pulled a silly face, pulling her slobbery fist out of her mouth and acted like he was going to eat it. Addy shrieked and kicked her legs.

Maddy made her way over, climbing in to Patrick’s lap to get a better look at the baby. She still wasn’t sure if she liked the fact that Patrick’s attention was now split between her and this new baby. She was still trying to figure Addy out. 

Jackie was on the other side of Patrick, pulling her own skates on. Shaw slid over on the bench to sit beside her, taping the new skates Patrick had bought her the day before. “If you’re new to it, I can teach you a few things.”

Patrick reached behind Jackie, punching him hard in his side. He covered Maddy’s ears, lowering his voice, though there weren’t any other kids within earshot. “The fuck you will. You have to stay 50 feet away from my sister at all times, or they will never find your body!”

Shaw rubbed his side, trying to decide if Patrick was joking with him or not. When he realized Patrick was serious he stood up and walked away, frowning.

Jackie turned to Patrick, grabbed his ear and hissed. “I am more than capable of taking care of myself, Pat! Don’t be a dick to your friends.”

“Some friend. Everyone knows the code… no dating, or even looking at, teammate’s siblings.” Patrick jerked his head, rubbing his ear. He pulled Maddy closer to him with a pout.

“That is not even a thing,” Jackie corrected.

“It is a thing,” Patrick shot back.

“No, I’m pretty sure it isn’t,” Brent butted in.

Patrick stood up, fixing his eyes on everyone who was paying attention; Maddy perched on his hip. “It is now! It is definitely a thing now.” He announced, flouncing out.

Patrick handed Maddy back to Sharpy so they could get her ready, and a few minutes later everyone was filing out to the rink.

As Jonny stepped on to the ice, he tried to remember the last time he felt this unsure on his own skates. His arms went back around Addy as he righted himself. Everyone took off in their own directions but Jonny stayed close to the boards. Patrick pulled up beside him, for once not teasing him about how intense Jonny was being, because Patrick looked like he was about to throw himself under them at any moment should Jonny start to fall.

“You’d think I didn’t do this every day,” Jonny laughed nervously.

“Well, we actually don’t make a habit of skating with kids strapped to our chest… so really, you don’t.” Patrick turned so he was skating slowly backwards in front of them. He reached out to pull the toque down further around Addy’s ears.

Abby skated over and handed them a set of small headphones. “They’re gonna turn the stereo on and it can get kind of loud.”

Patrick’s face scrunched up. “Fuck, we are such shit at this. We were about to subject her to permanent ear damage!”

Abby rolled her eyes. “You’re such a princess, Pat. Do you think we knew all of this when Maddy was little? I learned it from another hockey mom. It’s what we do. And it wouldn’t damage her ears… we’re not at the UC and they know there are kids here. It just helps.”

Jonny positioned the headphones over her ears. Even being child-size they still looked massive on her. Patrick laughed and took a picture with his phone. Not long after the music started playing and the kids started really getting in to it. Jonny was finally able to shed some of the nervous tension and actually began to skate around. Addy kept her head against his chest but he could hear her making more and more noises when people would pass by, kicking her legs against his hips.

“Do you think she’s cold?” Jonny asked Patrick as they made another lap close to the boards. They were trying to keep a little distance from the middle of the ice where all the kids were shrieking and chasing after each other.

Patrick shrugged. They’d layered her with footie pajamas and then a sweatsuit on top of that. Patrick pulled at the windbreaker that Jonny had put on before they left the locker room and zipped it up around Addy. Jonny looked ridiculous with Addy’s head sticking out under his chin but they were satisfied that it took most of the chill in the air off of her.

“This wasn’t so bad, yeah?” Patrick looked up at him with a wide grin.

“No, it wasn’t,” Jonny reached forward, tugging at Patrick’s beanie. “You looked like you had a good time in the locker room. Sometimes I worry that you’re only with me for my kid,” Jonny teased before standing up a little straighter, his smile a little more forced after the slip up.

Patrick smiled, letting it go without comment, playing with the zipper on Jonny’s jacket. “Nah, I’ve got more use for you than that. Today would have been perfect,” Patrick sighed, “If only Shaw knew how to keep it in his pants around my sister!”

Jonny started laughing; Addy’s little body bobbing up and down with the motion. “Remind me again who it was who made it his personal mission to quote ‘help the kid find his game’ end quote?”

Patrick bit the inside of his cheek. “You are so lucky you got the kid literally strapped to you, or you’d be picking your big ass up off the floor.”

Jonny poked at Patrick’s sides where he knew the blonde was ticklish. “You would never hurt my big ass. You love it too much.”

Patrick grabbed Jonny’s hands with his own, stopping the assault but not letting go. “Unfortunately, I really do!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be at the hospital all day tomorrow so updates until Thursday night are a little iffy but I will try my hardest! Thanks again, so much for all your comments and whatnot...you guys have been giving me so many great ideas to add in here, filling in places that I just felt were lacking something. So please, give me and any all ideas you might have. I really love the idea that you guys are so in to this and that I can make you a part of it by adding in your ideas!!


	8. Scars Are Souvenirs You Never Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bunch of things go wrong all at once...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG I am so sorry this has taken so long. I had family fly in from out of state last Monday, then my uncle had his surgery Wednesday and every other day when I wasn't in class or at work we were driving all over visiting random family and friends. Sunday night we had a huge dinner with almost 100 people at the house throughout the day.
> 
> And it was kind of the perfect storm between that and this chapter because this one is actually an insert and not apart of the original fic. Shelby18 and canuckgirl (you both are absolute aces!!!) gave me some awesome ideas that I really felt needed to be added...but the problem was that the only place they could go was in this chapter because starting with the next chapter things start to get a little crazy and it wouldn't have fit any point after this. So while I originally had the next chapter already typed up, I HAD to put this in but I didn't have the time/energy at all last week.
> 
> I spent all day yesterday working on this, I really hope it doesn't work against the flow of the story so far and this is completely unbeta-d so any and all mistakes are mine. I could have asked the wonderful cathedralhearts but I really just wanted to get this posted and not wait any longer. So hopefully it is worth it.

To say the day had sucked would be the understatement of the fucking century. Game days were hectic enough with pre-game naps and meals and getting to the arena early enough so Jonny could greet everyone as they trickled in, but adding to that the fact that they had to fly out to Edmonton right after the game…not to mention a horrid shopping experience with Addy and Jonny was ready to punch someone in the fucking face.

Jackie had had a few interviews scheduled for that morning and Patrick was at the arena all morning with a group of kids from the local hospital and Jonny needed to pick up a few things they would need before they left so he’d packed Addy up and headed to the store. They were going to be gone for a week and a half, the longest they had been away from Addy since they got her and Jonny was feeling restless about it. They had done a couple 3-5 day trips but they would be gone 11 days with this one and Jonny kind of felt it settling in and he just felt off about the whole thing. He could have called Abby and asked her to watch Addy while he ran errands but he felt like he needed to keep her close.

Addy had been sick for the better part of a week, her fever never getting any higher than that initial bout but it had lingered and she’d eventually gotten an ear infection on top of it. They were a few days out of it but she had remained clingy and irritable the last few days.

Jonny had stupidly thought that getting her out of the house for a little bit would help improve her mood.

Yeah, no.

They got as far as half-way through the store before she’d started to have what Jonny could only describe as a colossal bitch-fit. Those who hadn’t already been staring at him sure as shit were now and it had far less to do with who he was and all to do with the kid he was carting around screaming her head off at the top of her lungs in the middle of the shampoo aisle.

By the time he got to the register, Jonny was steering the cart with one hand and trying to bounce Addy on his hip with the other. It was really only pissing her off even further. They had taken her shopping before and every other time she had everyone wrapped around her finger. Patrick had lamented that her charms were lost on them because she somehow attracted every ten within their general vicinity and it was totally being wasted on them.

Why the hell was she deciding now to do this?

He waited as patiently in line as he could while simultaneously hoping the floor would open up and swallow him whole. He could see any number of headlines flashing over all the media sites and newspapers across Chicago with pictures of him holding Addy while she wailed relentlessly on his shoulder. He was so tense by the time he got to the checkout; the woman at the register didn’t speak further than informing him of his total and quickly bagging his shit and all but pushing him towards the door.

He tried to buckle Addy in to her car seat but she fought him every step of the way. “How are you so damn strong?” he asked as he tried to get her to bend her legs enough to get her in properly. She was so rigid, her little fists clenched at her side and her knees jutted out straight in front of her. It was almost funny; if it wasn’t so frustrating at the same time. Once she was safely buckled in, Jonny tried to give her her binky but she spit it back out angrily, crying louder. He tossed the bags on to the floorboard and ditched the cart before jumping in to the car.

“What’s wrong, Bug?” Jonny pleaded, wishing somehow that she would start miraculously conversing with him so she could tell him what to do to make it stop. He really didn’t understand any of it because she hadn’t even acted like this at all when she was sick.

Backing out of the parking space and pulling in to traffic, it was only a few seconds before Addy had calmed down and stopped crying. Looking at her through the rear-view mirror, Jonny didn’t know what to fucking think. There she was, playing with the Eeyore stuffed animal Patrick had gotten for her, her cheeks flushed, her eyes red-rimmed, smiling and babbling wildly like she wasn’t just freaking the fuck out moments earlier.

The few minutes it took to get home were oddly quiet and Jonny didn’t mess around, carrying Addy on his right hip and grabbing all the shopping bags with his left hand and made his way out of the parking garage and in to the elevators. Patrick was already home and took Addy when they walked through the door. He noted her still-flushed cheeks and the combination sniffling/hiccups she got whenever she cried and when he looked to Jonny he could see the rigid set of his shoulders.

Jackie walked in to the kitchen, poking through the bags.

“One of these days you’re going to find something in there you’re gonna wish you hadn’t seen,” Patrick warned.

Jackie rolled her eyes. “Please, you two are so lame I am sure I have nothing to worry about.” She looked at her watch. “You boys all packed up for your trip?”

Jonny nodded absently.

“Sure you’ll be cool while we’re gone? I can still get a ticket for mom to come down and help?” Patrick asked.

“You make me spend 11 days straight with mom and I will poison your gatorade.” Jackie punched Patrick in his arm before reaching for Addy. “We’re going to be just fine, aren’t we my little ladybug. We’re gonna have so much fun together.”

“Ok, well Abby said to call her if you need anything. I think she gets bored as shit when we go on the road because Maddy is infinitely easier to handle than Sharpy. So, I don’t know, set up one of those play date thingys. Get some coffee, go to the park if it’s warm enough, talk shit about all of us.”

Patrick went to tickle Addy but Jackie pushed him away. “Isn’t it time for you two to take your precious naps?”

Patrick sighed. It was getting late. With a quick kiss to both Addy and Jackie’s cheeks, Patrick grabbed Jonny’s arm, dragging him up the stairs. They had just under two hours before they needed to be leaving for the arena and Jonny already looked like hell. He was going to need all the sleep he could get.

Patrick knew something had happened with Jonny and Addy while they were out but he also knew enough to know that now was not the time to ask questions. If Jonny had wanted to talk about it he would have said something and bringing it up now would only mean less time to sleep, which would throw them both off their game.

So they napped and woke up; got ready in silence, kissed Addy goodbye and left for the arena before either of them could really think about how long they were going to be gone for this time. Patrick kind of knew that if he thought about it too much he would end up doing something stupid like locking himself in the room with Addy and refuse to come out. So he didn’t think about it and made himself follow Jonny out the door.

Then they fucking lost to the Predators and got shutout. It wasn’t one of those games where they worked their asses off but the bounces just weren’t going their way. No. They couldn’t connect with each other or anyone else to save their lives. Their passes went wide on almost every shot and Jonny fanned on more attempts than he would ever admit to. They were fucking off all night, and it was affecting the rest of the team and the worst part was how Jonny would just sit on the bench, stone cold and quiet. Patrick didn’t like it when he did that. Crazy as it sounded, he much preferred it when they yelled at each other until they worked their frustrations out and could think more clearly. So Patrick started yelling at Jonny to try to spur him, “FUCKING SAY SOMETHING, ASSHOLE!” but Jonny had just looked away, his jaw set and his mouth a thin line.

If Patrick threw his equipment into his locker harder than was necessary after the game, no one said anything to him. In fact, the whole team kept a pretty wide berth with him and Jonny and Patrick had left Jonny to deal with the media after he’d showered quickly. Fuck that shit.

They boarded the bus; everyone spacing out further apart than usual and the ride was damn near silent. Jonny sat in the row with Patrick but left a seat between them and as soon as they got on the plane, he took his usual seat next to Patrick but pulled his beanie down low almost covering his eyes, shoved his earbuds in his ears and stayed that way the entire trip. He didn’t fall asleep, Patrick knew, because his breathing was way too hard, too forced. Like he was doing continual laps around the rink instead of sitting immobile in his seat.

He was basically a ticking time-bomb that Patrick knew would go off as soon as they got to the hotel. Jonny would hold up that long, but just so.

Once they landed, Patrick called the house because it would likely be his only chance for the night and luckily the hotel wasn’t far away. They all filed methodically in to the lobby, waited in a low murmur for their key cards and then headed towards the elevators.

Once the rule had been put in place under the new CBA agreement that players could get their own rooms, Patrick had gone to Sarah, the lady in charge of travel arrangements and told her that he and Jonny wouldn’t be taking advantage of that particular perk. They could book them both their own rooms for face-keeping purposes if need be but one would no doubt go untouched and it was probably a waste of money. Sarah had rolled her eyes. She tried her hardest not to laugh at him as she told him that she would take care of it and pushed him out of her office. He hadn’t realized it at the time but she had been the first person he [they?] had come out to. Everyone else had reacted in pretty much the same way.

They walked silently down the long hall of doors on the 7th floor before finding their room and dumping their bags just inside the door.

Patrick really wasn’t in the mood for the ‘will he or won’t he’ dance, though so he decided to get the ball rolling sooner rather than later. “Ok, just fucking say it. Let’s do this.”

Jonny turned around, his hands raised. He opened his mouth like he was about to just go the fuck off but then he deflated. His arms hung at his sides and his shoulders hunched forward. “How much longer is this going to go on? Because it’s getting bigger than us and starting to mess with the team, with how we play together and we can’t keep doing this.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Patrick looked around like answers were going to magically appear literally out of thin air.

“This. Us!” Jonny waved his arms around. “I know I fucked up, Pat. But we need to do something about this before it destroys us.”

Patrick’s eyes narrowed. It’s not exactly like he hadn’t seen this coming but it still caught him off guard. “What are you saying?”

Jonny closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “This isn’t some sort of ultimatum or anything. But…fuck, I don’t know. You’ll barely touch me anymore and when was the last time we even fucking kissed?”

Patrick was stunned, he couldn’t move. He really hadn’t expected things to go this way, not tonight anyways.

Jonny continued. “I’ve been trying to give you time…and I will still give you all the time you need if that is what you want. But if you are just sticking around out of some…I don’t know, loyalty to me or to Addy or something…”

Patrick’s blood ran cold. “Loyalty? What the fuck, man? You’re not even making any sense.”

Jonny let out a deep breath, scrubbing at his eyes with his palms. “Look, I know you love Addy, alright? We’ve got two weeks and then we’ll know and…just, I won’t keep her from you if, you know…if she ends up…”

Patrick crossed his arms over his chest. “If she is your daughter? Jesus Christ Jonny, you can’t even say it out loud.”

“If she is my daughter,” Jonny gritted out. “I won’t keep her from you no matter what.”

“That’s awesome man, real good to know.” Patrick pushed past him to their bags on the floor. He picked his bag up and tossed it on the bed.

Jonny tracked his every move but didn’t budge from where he stood. “What I am saying is that you don’t have to stick around because of her. If you want out, just say it.”

Patrick stopped rummaging through his bag and turned around slowly. He stepped closer to Jonny, crowding him back against the wall. He pushed at Jonny’s shoulders and Jonny hit the wall with a loud thump. “Fuck you, I don’t want out.”

Jonny squeezed his eyes shut, letting his head fall back against the wall when Patrick seemed to notice how close he was and all but jumped away. “You are doing it now. It’s like the thought of being near me is repulsive to you.”

Patrick laughed dryly. “We sleep in the same bed, Jonathan. I think that is actually the opposite of being repulsed by you.”

“Yeah and there might as well be the fucking Great Wall between us when we sleep because you lay as far away from me as you can without falling off the damn bed.” Jonny’s voice rose until he was practically shouting.

“That is such bullshit. I lay beside you all the time. I hug you all the time…”

Jonny pressed forward. “Yeah, when Addy is around. You’ll lay close when Addy is between us, or you’ll hug me when I’m holding Addy. Can you even think of the last time YOU hugged ME when we weren’t on the ice or I didn’t have Addy? It’s like you are hiding behind her, from me.”

Patrick thought for a moment before he realized Jonny was right. Which just pissed him off even more.

“What do you want me to say, Jonny?” Patrick jerked at his tie, loosening it and yanking it over his head. “That I know it is stupid? That I know I need to just get the fuck over it? That every time I think about kissing you, or making love to you, all I can see is you with some random, no-faced chick? Is that what you want to hear?”

Jonny shrugged, biting his lip. “If that is what you are thinking then yes.”

Patrick flinched when Jonny pushed off the wall and walked over to stand right in front of him, grabbing his hands in his own. “I know you said you forgave me, but you didn’t really, did you?”

Patrick closed his eyes but raised his chin. He shook his head. “No, I didn’t.”

Jonny tensed but didn’t let go of Patrick’s hands. “Okay.”

Patrick’s eyes flew open. “But I want to,” Patrick pleaded, “please believe me that I want to. I’m trying. It’s just going to take some time.”

Jonny let go of Patrick’s hands, moving instead to curve his palms around Patrick’s shoulders, worrying his thumbs across the blonde’s collarbone through his dress shirt. “I will give you all the time you need. But we have to be honest with each other about this because not talking about it just fucked us over and caused us the game.”

Patrick nodded. He sagged forward against Jonathan’s chest, slowly weaving his arms around Jonny’s waist. There was no heat with it. The electricity that’d always pinged between them had dulled significantly, but Patrick could still taste it. It was still there.

They stood like that for a few minutes. Jonny started to sway them back and forth like he’d caught himself doing with Addy when she was upset. Patrick smiled into Jonny’s shoulder.

Jonny finally spoke again. “Addy had a fucking massive meltdown at the store this morning. I’ve never felt more like a worthless prick in my life.”

“Is that what was wrong when you got home today? I thought she looked a little flushed but it could have been from the cold.” Patrick tightened his arms around Jonny’s waist but otherwise didn’t move. He missed this…his place against Jonny.

“Yeah. I tried everything but nothing worked. She cried for probably 15 minutes while everyone in the store just stared at me. I mean, we’re used to being stared at…but that was totally different. She didn’t settle down until I pulled out of the parking lot and then it was like nothing was wrong.”

Patrick huffed out a laugh at the image of Jonny trying to Captain the situation and Addy having none of it.

Jonny sighed; his breath ruffling Patrick’s hair above his ear. “It’s just…sometimes I think I really fucking suck at this, Patrick. What if she is mine and I am the worst? Either way, maybe she would be better off with someone else?”

Patrick felt light-headed all of a sudden. Was Jonny really thinking about giving Addy up even if she was his? Patrick pulled back so he could look up at Jonny. “So because you had a bad day at the store you’re ready to throw the towel in? That is so not the Jonathan Toews I’ve known for years.”

Jonny’s eyes grew wide. “I’m not…I wasn’t saying…ok today just really fucking shook me, you know? It wasn’t like this even when she was sick and we’ve actually been doing pretty well between me, you and Jacks, but like what are our long-term goals here?”

Patrick laughed. “First of all, this isn’t the team so take your Captain pants off for right now. Think of all the good things that have happened with Addy. All the smiles and the giggles, remember the first time she got excited when you came home because she actually recognized you?”

Jonny smiled at the memory, but he still wasn’t fully convinced this all wouldn’t be a huge mistake. “Yeah, and the shitty diapers and the projectile vomiting? The baby food on the ceiling when you tried to feed her smashed peas? Not getting more than a few hours of sleep at a time during the night?”

Patrick frowned, getting defensive. “I mean, if you’ve already made up your mind then I guess…”

“No, it’s not really like that.” Jonny pulled Patrick back against him. “I just…I think I was already on edge because of everything going on, or not going on, with us and she fed off of that. Maman always said that babies soak up a person’s mood no matter what it was. Which is another reason why, even if we still have a ways to go to work this out, we need to be open about it with each other.”

Patrick was quiet for a moment. Mainly relieved that Jonny hadn’t decided something so drastic on a whim. If Jonny could push past his fears about not being the perfect parent, then Patrick could sure as hell agree to this much. Not being honest with each other, after all, was what got them in this mess in the first place. “Deal.”

Jonny smiled down at Patrick. He wanted nothing more than to kiss the blonde silly, but he still had to pay his dues. “Do you think it’s too late to call the house? We can make Jacks put us on the speaker phone so we can talk to Addy before bed.”

Patrick looked at the clock, trying to remember what time zone they were in. “It’s crazy early in the morning and she is probably asleep. Besides, Addy isn’t going to forget us while we are gone.”

Jonny actually started pouting; he pushed his lower lip out and everything. He knew Patrick couldn’t say no to that.

Patrick pushed him away with a sharp laugh. “Oh my god, fine! We’ll call. But if she is asleep we are NOT waking her up. My sister will actually fly all the way up here just to murder us in our sleep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feedback is LOVED!!


	9. The Past Is Never Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The DNA results are in...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok are you ready to find out if Addy is Jonny's or not? It's finally here and we are getting in to the beginning of the end...I would say possibly 4 more chapters after this one.

The road trip had been a disaster. They won three out of their four games but it all seemed to fall flat. Jonny couldn’t shake the feeling like something was missing, like a phantom limb or something just wasn't there, and Patrick got more and more restless as the days drew on. They Skyped with Jackie and Addy every morning and called every night but it never felt like enough.

Jonny even asked Sharpy one night, when the team had gone out for drinks after a win, many shots in to the night, sloshy and hanging off of Patrick, “How the fuck do you leave her like this all the time?”

Sharpy, being the all-knowing asshole that he is, didn’t need an explanation as to who ‘she’ was and had grabbed Jonny’s shoulders, steadying him, and had told him that unfortunately it never got easier. Jonny frowned, downed a couple more shots quickly before Patrick declared that Jonny had had enough. Sharpy had helped Patrick get Jonny back to their room, tossed Jonny rather unceremoniously onto the bed and threw a ‘good luck with that’ over his shoulder as he closed the door behind him. Patrick was kind of amazed at how, when they weren’t on the ice, Jonny pretty much shattered right in front of him.

Jonny’s parents came in to town the day after they got back from the road trip and a few days after that they had gotten a call from Anthony that the DNA results were in.

From: Jessica  
To: Patrick  
when do you find out?

From: Patrick  
To: Jessica  
leave in 30

From: Jessica  
To: Patrick  
look what popped up on my phone this morning

Patrick clicked on the picture that Erica sent. It was a picture from the day before. They had all bummed around the apartment when the boys weren’t at practice or at a game, their nerves had definitely gotten the better of them so they had gone for a walk after Andree had finally had enough of their collective sulking.

Some random on the street must have taken the picture. It was grainy at best, but it was clearly them.

Jonny and his dad were talking; Bryan’s hands were gesturing wildly as Jonny laughed, his arms around Addy who was bundled up in the harness strapped to his chest. Patrick was a few steps behind with Andree and Jackie on each arm, as they huddled against the chilly air. It actually had been nice to get out of the house for a little bit, even if Patrick’s balls had almost frozen solid in the process.

From: Jessica  
To: Patrick  
one big happy family

From: Patrick  
To: Jessica  
you know it

From: Jessica  
To: Patrick  
when do i get to meet that baby. it’s not fair jacks gets her all the time

From: Patrick  
To: Jessica  
be an unemployed bum like jacks and you can come clean my house and see her as much as you want

From: Jessica  
To: Patrick  
asshole

From: Patrick  
To: Jessica  
jacks was snooping and saw what i sent. now she is hitting me, make her stop brb

From: Jessica  
To: Patrick  
i hope she knees you in the dick

From: Patrick  
To: Jessica  
i love you too

From: Jessica  
To: Patrick  
no but seriously when can i see her

From: Patrick  
To: Jessica  
soon i guess

From: Jessica  
To: Patrick  
she needs to know me because i am the best out of all of you jerks

From: Patrick  
To: Jessica  
she’ll always love me best

From: Jessica  
To: Patrick  
we’ll see about that

From: Patrick  
To: Jessica  
g2g, gotta head out soon

From: Jessica  
To: Patrick  
love you assface

From: Patrick  
To: Jessica  
love you too chickenshit

Jonny and Patrick had talked about whether they should leave Addy at home with Jonny’s parents and Jackie when they went to get the test results, or whether they should all go and take her with them. On one hand, Patrick felt like it was only right that she should be there since it basically concerned what would be the rest of her life. But on the other hand, he wanted to keep her as far away as possible.

In the end, they’d decided to go by themselves so they wouldn’t risk Addy getting restless and all, mainly just to keep her…away, keep her safe at the apartment. Jonny had called Anthony, and had made arrangements for him to meet them at the rink where the test had been done in the first place and where they’d get the results from the team doctor’s contacts.

Patrick hadn’t brought the subject up, about what they would do either way, and neither had Jonny. It felt like tempting fate, like everyone was walking around in a giant bubble and one wrong move would burst everything around them that they had built up over the last six weeks.

Patrick sat on the couch, dressed in the nicest pair of jeans he could find and the shirt Jackie had searched through his closet forever for. His leg wouldn’t stop bouncing; he felt like he was going to explode out his skin at any moment.

Jonny came down the stairs with Addy who was gnawing on one of the Tupperware lids that Andree had bought just for that very purpose. She said they worked better than teething rings and had tossed a couple in the freezer to get cold. Addy had been running a slight fever but with no other symptoms and the little white dot on her top gum, Andree had declared that she was simply getting her first tooth. Drool was running down Addy’s arm, getting all over the front of Jonny’s shirt but he didn’t seem to mind. He walked around the room, grabbing his wallet and the grey beanie he always wore; patting his pocket in search of his keys.

Jonny glanced over to Patrick, uncertainty and nerves ghosting his face, and a small smile tugging at his lips. “You ready?”

Patrick rubbed the palm of his hands across the dark denim covering his legs. His blood was thrumming in his ears. He really just wanted to go and get this over with because he knew that there was no way that Addy wasn’t Jonny’s. These tests had to prove him right. “Yep, let’s do this.” Patrick stood up and walked over to Jonny and Addy, but Jonny didn’t move. Jonny leaned in towards Addy, his forehead resting against hers. Exhaling deeply, he ducked his head to kiss her cheek and then let Patrick take her from him.

“I’m gonna go start the car. We need to leave soon,” he said, nodding to Jackie who was standing in the doorway, nervously twisting a baby blanket in her hands. He leaned in to kiss Andree’s cheek as his dad clapped him on the back without a word.

Patrick stepped in to the hall a few feet away from everyone else and held Addy to his chest. The little black and red polka-dotted dress he’d picked up a few weeks ago finally fit her. He had to believe that this was all going to turn our right. There was no other option. They would get the results, Kaner would throw in a ‘I told you so’ for good measure, hug the shit out of Jonny, and then they would come home and get to spend the rest of their lives being the best fucking dads the world has ever seen. They were going to make even Sharpy jealous.

“We’ll be back soon, ladybug,” He breathed into her hair. Addy hit him upside the head with the lid and he couldn’t help but laugh. “Be good for your grandparents but give your aunt Jacks hell, yeah?”

Patrick handed her to Andree who patted his cheek but didn’t say anything when he shook his head. If she started talking to him, almost on the verge of tears herself, they would end up being late because he started crying and Jonny would be pissed.

On his way out the door Jackie hugged him so tightly it almost took the wind out of him. “I gotta go or Jonny will get mad. You know how he is about being late.”

Jackie nodded and pulled away.

The trip to the UC felt like it took both an eternity and a fraction of a second, as neither said anything. Patrick sat as close to Jonny as the middle consul would allow. His hand curled around Jonny’s thigh, his fingers warm and heavy against the inside of Jonny’s knee. His brain was on a constant loop of

let her be his  
let her be his  
let her be his.

He was certainly not above begging and bartering at this point.

Over the past six weeks he had talked a lot about their future with Addy and what all he wanted to do with her and Jonny but the truth was, all of this still scared the shit out of him. Jonny thought that he was naïve to the actual brevity of the situation but if Patrick was being honest with himself, there was little time over the past six weeks that Patrick hadn’t worried about this very moment and how it would effectively change their lives no matter what the results were. After what they had been through since Addy came in to the picture, Patrick felt like they deserved for something good to go their way.

Jonny’s hands kept gripping the steering wheel, twisting around the material until his knuckles were white.

Jonny deliberately shut his brain down. Refusing to think or wish for anything as he focused all of his energy on driving and reading the same road signs he passed nearly every day. He could make this drive in his sleep; and sometimes it honestly felt like he did, but now he was hyperaware of everything around him.

They got to the rink and walked in through the front, for a change, which was a little disarming. They met Anthony at the front desk and he had a large manila envelope in his hand that Patrick couldn’t take his eyes off of. Jonny’s hands started sweating in Patrick’s as they followed him down the hall to a large conference room. Patrick squeezed Jonny’s hand, hoping it to be at least a little reassuring.

“PR is waiting and I’ve got things set up either way, so just take your time, I’ll be out in the hall,” Anthony said as he handed the envelope to Jonny, clasping Patrick’s elbow briefly before he left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Patrick and Jonny just stood there staring at the envelope on top of the large mahogany desk.

Patrick couldn’t believe this was it. Having all of this waiting, all this build up come down to this one moment. It almost seemed anticlimactic in a way.

Jonny picked up the envelope and flipped it over in his hands a few times. He took a deep, shaky breath. “I guess I should just…” He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders.

Patrick kind of wanted to grab Jonny’s hand again to reassure him, physically, that he was here, that he would BE here. But he kept his hands at his side, flexing in and out of fists, letting Jonny take his time. Jonny pulled the metal tab back slowly and slid the papers out.

let her be his  
let her be his  
let her be his

Jonny flipped the papers over in his hands and Patrick watched as his eyes scanned the words.

let her be his  
let her be his  
let her be his

“She’s… she’s not mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so what do you think?


	10. There's Nothing Left To Believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have to do something they never really thought they would have to do...say goodbye to Addy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the Hawks just made history!! 14-0-3 and I just...HOLY SHIT!!!
> 
> ok back to the story...please let me know what you guys are thinking with the recent developments. These were deliberate decisions that I debated over for a really long time about whether Addy would be Jonny's or not...but I do think this way offers more meat to the story.
> 
> I don't want to give anything away as far as what will happen but there are only a few more chapters left...but I really hope you guys don't like hate me or anything.

All the air left Jonny’s lungs as he sagged forward, bracing himself against the table. Patrick’s knees buckled.

“No!” 

Patrick shook his head, his voice sounded odd even to himself. Dead. It sounded dead. Patrick sank down to the chair behind him; head in his hands as he fought off the urge to throw up. Jonny stood still beside him, reading the paper over and over again. “That can’t be right,” Patrick continued, shaking his head. How could that be right? “That can’t be right?”

Jonny spoke but he sounded far away. “These things don’t lie, Patrick.” Patrick looked up and he almost sobbed aloud. He’d never seen Jonny look so lost before. Not when he’d gotten that concussion, not during the lockout… not even when they had first found out about Addy in the first place.

Jonny put the paper down on the large table, smoothing out the edges where he had worried the sides; his eyes darted around the room. 

“I need to tell Anthony,” Jonny said picking the paper up, standing up straight, walking slowly to the door to let the lawyer back in. It probably didn’t take much for Anthony to realize that the results weren’t good based on their looks alone, but he’d kept his face neutral, offering his apologies when Jonny handed him the paper without a word. Patrick wasn’t sure what would happen now, because he honestly hadn’t let himself think of this outcome. Abstractly he had known there was a chance Addy wouldn’t be Jonny’s but he just always assumed she was.

Patrick started thinking about how much trouble they would get in to if they just ran away with her. There were probably dozens of laws that would be broken but you can’t punish someone if you can’t find them. Jonny wasn’t really made for a life on the run, he was too organized, too put together, but Patrick instinctively knew he could totally do it if he had to.

Patrick’s attention was pulled back when Anthony cleared his throat. He told them that he would inform PR. With Addy biological parents officially unknown and having been technically abandoned, she would officially become a ward of the state of Illinois. He said that he would give them a couple hours to get her stuff together, and he would meet the social worker he had been in contact with at the house later on that night.

Patrick looked between the two frantically, he could feel the panic rising in his chest, but Jonny just nodded his head, his eyes fixed on some point on the wall. Jonny put his palm against Patrick’s lower back, gently urging him out of the room when Anthony told them they were finished. They walked out of the building and to their car in complete silence.

Patrick stared out the window of Jonny’s car the entire ride home, but all he could see had nothing to do with the passing cars or blurry houses they passed. All he saw was every idea he’d had about first steps and Addy’s first birthday, her first time skating on the ice and her first days of kindergarten. First dates, driving, college, getting married, having kids. It all just fucking disappeared. All of a sudden Patrick wanted nothing more than to be a grandpa one day, which was totally stupid, but he did. He wouldn’t even get to see her first tooth come in. They had been the ones up all night with her the last few days and they weren’t even going to get to see that.

When they walked in to the apartment, Jonny’s parents and Jackie all jumped up from where they were sitting in the living room; Addy contented in her little play station in the middle of the floor. Jonny just shook his head, not looking at Addy, and turned away, taking the stairs three at a time and heading straight for Addy’s room. Andree was close behind him, racing up the stairs after her son. Jackie’s face fell, her hand flying to her mouth as her eyes welled up. Patrick hugged her, his hand cupping the back of her head, before he made his way upstairs. Jackie walked slowly back in to the living room and sat on the floor facing Addy. She couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that Addy wasn’t theirs anymore…she wasn’t anyones.

Jonny’s dad sighed heavily before making his way up the stairs to find his son.

Patrick and Andree were standing just inside the room, trying to get Jonny’s attention as he hurriedly made his way back and forth through the room, grabbing clothes, diapers and anything else that was in the drawers and throwing them in the suitcases he’d pulled out of his and Patrick’s closet.

“Jonny, honey, why don’t you let me do this? You need to say goodbye…” Andree started, reaching out to grab Jonny’s elbow but Jonny cut her off.

Jonny’s eyes were a little wild as he scanned the room. “No. What I need is to make sure they have everything when they get here. I need to make a list of her favorite food… don’t let me forget to tell them that she hates anything banana flavored. And she gets that rash if they use the wrong soap. I need to get her favorite blanket. Where is it?” He looked around but couldn’t find it.

“It’s in the dryer,” Patrick said as he stepped forward.

Jonny, by now, was just tossing anything he got his hands on in the suitcase.

Andree grabbed Jonny’s arm, forcing him to stop. “Jonathan, mon petit garcon, you need to stop. There is plenty of time. Why don’t you talk to me about what happened?”

Jonny jerked his arm out of his mother’s grasp, startling everyone. “No, I have to do this. You said that she had my chin. You said she looked like me and I believed you, I trusted you, and now I have to pack up six weeks’ worth of a lifetime and I have to hand her over to a stranger in a few hours. So no, I don’t have plenty of time and I really don’t want to talk to you about anything.” Jonny growled. 

His mom flinched but stood firm; his dad stepped forward, not sure if he was going to have to get his son under control for the first time…ever.

Patrick turned to Jonny’s parents, hating everything about the entire situation. He nodded towards the door and slowly got them to back out of the room; all the while Andree looked at her son with such worry in her eyes it almost physically hurt Patrick. Patrick apologized as he closed the door on them and turned back to Jonny. 

Without saying a word he grabbed Jonny’s hand and held tight when Jonny tried to pull out of his grip. Patrick waited until Jonny finally looked him in the eyes, and the two stood like that for a moment in the middle of the barely lit room, with suitcases, clothes and stuffed animals scattered all over the floor. Patrick nodded and bent down to put some more of Addy’s favorite toys in one of the suitcases. Jonny moved much slower after that, but never said a word until they had everything but the furniture packed away.

Patrick had gotten a text from Anthony, saying they would be there within the hour.

A light knock broke the silence in the room as they looked around to make sure they hadn’t forgotten anything. Patrick wasn’t even sure if they would take all of this stuff to wherever they were going to take her or what. The doorknob turned and Jackie cautiously looked in. She opened the door further, walking in with Addy on her hip.

“I figured you might…” Patrick frowned at the redness around his sister’s eyes. She handed Addy to Jonny and quickly left the room.

Jonny clutched Addy against his chest and sank to the floor surrounded by the stuffed suitcases and rocked Addy back and forth in his lap as she cooed around the fist in her mouth. Patrick had joked that she seemed to have quickly acquired his oral fixation that everyone made fun of him for.

Patrick leaned back against the door once it was shut, closing his eyes against everything in front of him. He stayed there, just like that, contemplating for the tenth time in the last few hours if they could actually just refuse to give Addy up.

Jonny cleared his throat. Patrick opened his eyes and looked down at Jonny who was reaching out towards him. “C’mere.”

Patrick didn’t trip over anything getting to them but it was a near thing. He pressed in to Jonny’s side as Jonny’s arm went around his waist and pulled him in impossibly close. Patrick buried his head in Jonny’s neck. Addy reached over and grabbed Patrick’s nose and he gave the soft “honk” he knew she was waiting for. The tiny laughter that split the air was almost enough to make Patrick start sobbing right then and there. 

They sat like that, together for the last time; just the three of them, until Jonny’s dad knocked lightly on the door letting them know Anthony was there with the social worker.

Patrick shifted slightly, waiting for Jonny to make the first move; all Jonny did was pull Addy closer to him, his arm slipping from Patrick’s waist to wrap completely around the little girl. Jonny buried his head against her chest, breathing in a ragged, deep breath. Patrick was about to say something as he stood up, because as much as he would be totally cool with it he really didn’t think Anthony or the social worker would appreciate them just deciding to never come out of the room.

Jonny stood up, tangled his fingers in the hair at the back of Patrick’s neck, pressing their lips together in a rough kiss. There was no fire behind the kiss, only a hurt that Patrick felt in the way Jonny’s lips shook against his own.

Before Patrick could react, however, Jonny pulled back abruptly and headed out of the room. Patrick stood for a second in the dark room, breathing in and out steadily, trying to gain his bearings, until he felt solid enough to heave the duffel bag over his shoulder and grabbed the other two bags to bring down stairs.

Jackie was helping Jonny put Addy’s coat on. Anthony stood off to the side, smiling sadly at Patrick when their eyes met.

Jonny was talking fast; a nervous tic that Patrick had realized he had over the years; when Jonny felt like he was losing control and was trying to right himself. “She doesn’t like that banana cereal but she does like the rice. Pretty much anything banana flavored she doesn’t like. But the rice cereal helps her sleep at night. And she’s cutting a tooth right now so she’s been fussier than normal and has had a little fever. We’ve been wrapping a washcloth around a piece of ice with a little baby Orajel on it. She seems to like that. Her favorite blanket is in the small bag, it’s a…a Hawks blanket a friend of ours got for her. She…she won’t sleep at night without it.” Jonny took a deep breath and Patrick stepped closer; pressing in to his back, hoping it would help somehow. “She has an allergy to scented soaps. The one in the bag is organic and scent free and is the only thing we’ve found so far that works.”

Jonny was standing sideways; facing the social worker but Patrick couldn’t help but notice how he kept Addy on his other side of him…as far away from the woman as possible. She seemed nice, had a soft face and she nodded at each new piece of information. But Patrick couldn’t help but notice that she wasn’t actually taking any notes. Patrick closed his eyes, shaking his head. None of what Jonny was telling her even mattered. They would find some random people to keep Addy until she was adopted…they weren’t going to give them any instructions. Addy was going to have to go through all of this all over again until they hopefully figured it all out for themselves.

Jonny continued and Addy started crying, her head falling to his shoulder with big crocodile tears rolling down her cheeks onto Jonny’s shirt. “She likes The Fresh Beat Band because they sing a lot and she doesn’t like the color green, I don’t really know why.” Addy’s crying grew louder, more agitated and Jonny started swaying. “I think that’s it. I can’t think of anything else. The pediatrician we’ve been taking her to is listed on a card in one of the bags and…” Jonny looked down to Addy, kissing the tear track under her eye. “She didn’t have a name when we got her but we’ve been calling her Addy, short for Adelaide. But I don’t really know if that is important now.”

The social worker nodded, stepping forward and reached for Addy. Jonny took a step back before he even realized what he was doing. The social worker started to speak but Anthony jumped in. “Um, surely we can give them a minute to say goodbye, yes?” He asked the woman. “We can put the suitcases in your car and then I’ll come back up and get the child and bring her to you?” Anthony asked when he saw the alarmed look in Jonny’s eyes.

The social worker seemed weary at first but relented, grabbing the smaller of the suitcases and left the other two for Anthony.

Once they’d left Jonny turned to Patrick; Addy still steadily crying on his shoulder. “I really can’t fucking do this, Pat,” he whispered.

Patrick rubbed Addy’s back softly. It felt like someone was taking his heart and twisting it until it was wrung dry, his stomach knotted as he met Jonny’s eyes that were pleading with him to do something, anything to make this all ok again. “Yes you can. We have to make this as easy for Addy as we can. Ok?”

Jonny held his gaze but eventually nodded, his eyes squeezing shut.

Jonny turned around to face the others and Patrick nodded. Jackie approached first, reaching up to kiss Addy’s tear-stained cheek. Patrick didn’t miss the tears streaking down her own cheeks as she left without a word and ran to her room.

Bryan came over next, visibly unsure with what he was supposed to do when his son was so torn apart. His hand came up to cup Jonny’s cheek, his other hand stroking Addy’s soft hair that had finally started to get longer. “I’m so sorry, son.”

Andree came up and wrapped her arms around Jonny and Addy both. Bryan rubbed soothingly at his wife’s back as she whispered so softly in French it was impossible to make out what she was saying and who she was saying it to. After a few minutes Bryan got her to let go and led her up the stairs to their room, leaving Jonny and Patrick alone to say goodbye.

Jonny laid his cheek on top of Addy’s head, swaying back and forth as her cries died down to a soft whimper. Patrick didn’t have it in him to try to take Addy from Jonny, for himself, so he stood up on his toes, resting his head on Jonny’s chest so he was face to face with the little girl. He gently took her fist out of her mouth and kissed it. “Give ‘em hell ladybug. I’ll never forget you.” He whispered, his voice shaking.

Jonny’s arm wrapped around him in a tight grip. There was a soft knock at the door as Anthony quietly walked back in. “I’m really sorry, but we have to go.”

Jonny didn’t turn around and Patrick didn’t move. Patrick’s eyes burned but he refused to cry; not yet, not now. Jonny kissed Addy’s temple, lingering as long as he could before letting go of Patrick and turning around.

Anthony approached them slowly. “I’m going to make sure she gets her perfect parents, I promise. If there is anything I can do, do not hesitate to call. You got that?”

Jonny nodded, shifting Addy so he was cradling her against his chest. He bent down once more, kissing her arm and handed her to Anthony.

Patrick opened the door, steadying his shaking hands, as Anthony stepped out in to the hallway. “I’m so sorry.” Anthony said before he walked away; Addy’s crying growing louder with each step.

Patrick pushed the door shut, leaning against it, he couldn’t move.

Jonny stood behind him, wrapping his arms around Patrick’s chest pulling the shorter man back against him. Patrick grabbed ahold of Jonny’s hands, listening to their labored breathing as his head fell back against Jonny’s chest.

“I guess we get our old life back.” Patrick lamented.

Jonny’s grip tightened, his breath blowing hard and heated against Patrick’s ear. “Yeah, but now I don’t want it.”

“Me neither.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think...even if you don't like it...I'd rather that than radio silence. It makes me really nervous that I've screwed up horribly.


	11. I Wanna Wake Up Where You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick tries to hold everyone together...Jonny proposes an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, ok first of all THANK YOU SO MUCH for your amazing feedback to the last chapter. I certainly hoped to get some kind of emotional response to it, but I hadn't expected that much. Hopefully this chapter will go a little ways towards making things better, possibly?
> 
> As we get closer to the end, only a few chapters left...though it might be more than the 13 I projected...I would still love to hear any ideas you guys might have for how you would like to see this end. I have a vague concept in mind, and the end is the only part I don't have typed up yet...so it's still pretty much a blank slate. Give me suggestions and I'll see what I can do!
> 
> Again, leave me a message on here or if any of you are on tumblr, hit me up - dannybriereisaliferuiner - oh and let me know you are from here so I'll make sure to follow you

Jonny and Patrick stood by the door until Addy’s cries went silent as the elevator door shut behind her and Anthony. Jonny exhaled, leaning heavily against Patrick’s back for a moment before he disentangled himself and trudged up the stairs without a word. Patrick knew he needed to be alone, though he would never ask, so Patrick went in to the living room, robotically picking up the few glasses that had been abandoned with everything else going on. He could still hear Addy crying in his head; it grew louder and louder until without thinking, he threw one of the glasses against the furthest wall in the kitchen beside the stove. Somehow it made him feel better for a split second but then he worried that someone would have heard it.

Why couldn’t he quit fucking shit up?

He shook his head, putting the other glass in the sink and went to the supply closet to get the broom and dustpan.

Just as he was finishing sweeping the pieces up, a hand gripped his shoulder and he looked up to see Jackie standing beside him. Her face was puffy from crying, her eyes bloodshot. Patrick dumped the glass in the trash. “Sorry,” he ducked his head, “I didn’t really mean for that to happen. Did I wake you?”

Jackie just shook her head and hugged her brother, holding him tight like she might be able to meld herself into him. Patrick held her close. He hated what this was doing, not only to Jonny, but to the rest of their family as well. Patrick suddenly realized that he wasn’t even sure if his parents and the girls knew…if Jackie had already told them or not? Now that he thought about it, it was weird that with everything going on, his first instinct hadn’t been to call his mom, to let her words wash over him until everything felt more manageable. He wasn't really sure what that meant.

Jackie sagged against him, sniffling, so Patrick coaxed her back to her room and laid on top of the covers with her, holding her as she curled up against him and cried while he rubbed her back. She’d kept whispering how sorry she was but Patrick told her to shut up. She’d loved Addy just as much as anyone else, there was no hierarchy for pain; they all felt it and it all fucking sucked.

He’d laid there long enough for her to fall asleep before he kissed her hair, untangled himself as stealthily as possible and slid off the bed. He grabbed one of the spare blankets out of the closet and covered her up.

Patrick walked back through the apartment making sure all the lights were off and the front door was locked, before making his way back towards their bedroom. He still felt stupid for breaking the glass and he just really hoped Jonny hadn’t heard anything; Jonny didn't need anything else to worry about, not tonight. He was lucky he hadn’t cut his hand or feet in the process.

There was no noise other than the soft hum of the tv coming from the spare room so Patrick left Jonny’s parents alone. He’d see how they were doing in the morning.

Patrick moved silently into the room. Jonny was curled up on his side with his back to Patrick. Patrick eased himself on to the mattress, not wanting to disturb Jonny if he had fallen asleep. Just as he was settling in under the covers, Jonny shifted on to his back, looking to Patrick expectantly and held his arm out. Patrick scooted over until he was flush against him.

“How’s Jacks?” Jonny asked, his voice scratchy like he had been crying. Patrick really didn’t want to chance looking closer at Jonny, at his eyes, because Patrick knew that if he looked close enough, and Jonny looked as wrecked as he sounded, Patrick was going to lose it in a big way.

“She finally fell asleep. Your parents are sleeping too, I’m pretty sure,” Patrick mumbled into the fabric of Jonny’s shirt, “and I broke a glass.”

Jonny shrugged his shoulders, his free hand coming up to cover his eyes. “God I was such a dick to my mom. I need to apologize to her. I can’t believe I said those things to her.” Patrick closed his eyes. The pain in Jonny’s voice was almost tangible, Patrick felt like he could reach out and touch it.

“I’m pretty sure she doesn’t blame you. What you just had to do…had to give up? No one would blame you for taking one from my book and doing much worse right now.” Patrick reasoned.

“But she’s my mom, Patrick. I’ve never talked to her like that before. She’s never flinched away from me before, I mean fuck, I think she actually thought I was going to hit her or something.” Jonny groaned. “There is no excuse for that.”

“Maybe, but you’ll talk to her tomorrow,” Patrick assured him.

Jonny ran his hand threw Patrick’s hair, thinking about what Patrick had said a few minutes ago. “Why did you say it like that?”

Patrick looked up at him, “say what?”

“You said no one would blame me…because I had to give her up.” Jonny hooked his ankle around Patrick’s “You know, you had to give her up too? Why do you do that?”

Patrick’s brow furrowed. “Do what?”

“Act like she wasn’t yours, too? Like you have to be the one to hold everyone up…like you’re not allowed, or deserve, to be upset over this.” Jonny’s fingers tightened in Patrick’s hair. He rested his cheek on Patrick’s head when Patrick started to squirm. 

Patrick went quiet for a moment, purposefully not answering Jonny. He didn’t really know how to explain what he felt because he didn’t really understand it himself. He hated what he was about to ask, but knew it needed to be said at the same time. “What do we do now?”

Jonny felt like there were a million answers to that question; and absolutely none all at once. What the hell were they supposed to do now? Over the last six weeks their lives had become so wrapped around Addy that now he wasn’t sure how to go back.

Waking up most mornings before the sun was even up to Addy giggling through the baby monitor; she hardly ever woke up in a bad mood. At first it had drove Jonny kind of nuts because he is the furthest thing from a morning person you’ll ever find. But after a little while, he had started becoming less and less annoyed with it.

Jonny and Patrick would trade off; Patrick would feed her breakfast while Jonny showered and then Jonny would get her cleaned up and changed while Patrick took a shower because he inevitable ended up wearing half of her breakfast. They would spend whatever time they had before practice playing with Addy or running errands. After practice they would usually grab Jackie and Addy and go out to their favorite diner for lunch and if it was nice out, go for a walk. Game days were less involved and focused more on routine but on days between games they would all just hang out.

Patrick would take a million pictures of her and Jackie had found nail polish for babies so the two would paint her little nails all kinds of different colors. Between the three of them they would sometimes attempt to make dinner, but more so than not they would order in. Patrick cleaned the kitchen up while Jonny gave Addy a bath, talking to her in French because he felt strongly that she should be fluent in both languages. The rest of the evening would be spent chilling out either in the living room or back in their bedroom. Patrick often became the tickle monster and Jonny would alternate between reading Addy “Love You Forever” and “Petit Nicholas” until Addy fell asleep.

How were they supposed to get up tomorrow and just not do any of that? Patrick couldn’t remember what it was like to not wake up to those high-pitched giggles of an all too wide-awake and vocal five month old.

“I don’t know. I mean, at first I wanted so bad for all of this to be a horrible nightmare, you know, that I could wake up and everything would go back to how it was before. But now, that just kind of pisses me off. We would have been great fucking dads,” Jonny stated firmly, pulling Patrick in closer.

“Fuck yeah we would.” Patrick huffed out. He had no doubt in his mind that they would have rocked the shit out of being parents.

Patrick squeezed his eyes shut, barely resisting the urge to cover his ears. He still couldn’t block out Addy’s cries from his head. How they seemed to magnify the further Anthony walked away. I mean, fuck, was that even possible? Patrick buried his face in Jonny’s shirt. He could feel the tears threatening again, his eyes burning and his vision blurring as he finally let them silently fall. He was pretty sure that Jonny could feel the tears soaking through his shirt but he didn’t say anything and Patrick was fucking grateful for that.

Jonny rubbed a steady pattern onto Patrick’s hip with his thumb; another of Jonny’s tics he did whenever he was thinking hard about something. Almost as if he was trying to write out his plan on Patrick’s skin.

Patrick sniffed, rubbing his face into the soft fabric to get rid of the tears. “What are you thinking?”

Jonny stilled and then relaxed almost as quickly. He was silent for a while. Long enough that Patrick almost asked again, afraid he hadn’t heard him the first time. “Look, I know we are hockey players, yeah? We sweat and bleed hockey, it is our lives. But lately it hasn’t been our whole lives, you know? We never talked about kids before my mom showed up with Addy but we were gonna do it,” Jonny scrubbed as his face with the back of his hand. “And now, if you don’t want to, I understand because you don’t have to…though I really hope you’ll want to. I don’t even know if it would be possible with our schedule and everything, not to mention the fact that not too many people would give two guys a kid but I feel like I can’t not try.” Jonny rambled, his voice getting louder and more certain as he went on.

Patrick pulled himself up on to his elbow so he could get a better look at Jonny. “What are you even talking about?”

Jonny sat up, scooting back so he could sit facing Patrick and took his hands once he had his full attention. “I want to get her back.”

“What?” Patrick coughed, surprised.

Jonny's eyes were bright and he was smiling, “I want us to adopt Addy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is like air and keeps me going


	12. How Could I Have Been The One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patrick has some major doubts...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this much later than I had planned but real life kind of got in the way. I had to adjust the number of chapters because there is at least 2-3 more after this...a few more than I had originally thought, depending on how I work out the final chapter.

“Thanks again, Anthony, for coming so quickly.” Jonny said, handing Anthony a cup of coffee.

It was 7am and neither Jonny nor Patrick had any real sleep the night before. Once Jonny had decided he wanted to try to get Addy back, the last thing he was going to do was sleep. He’d called Anthony, apologizing profusely for the late hour before they had set up the meeting for first thing in the morning. Jonny then spent the rest of the night on the computer, researching everything he could think of, trying to figure out what their odds might be going in to this; what would help them, what would hurt them. Patrick had tried to get some sleep but his skin felt like it was made of glass, on the verge of shattering if he moved wrong and his heart pounding in his ears kept him on edge.

Anthony accepted the coffee with a grateful smile. “I told you to contact me if you needed anything…this is certainly something.”

Jonny sat beside Patrick on the couch. “How is she doing? Are the people ok?” Jonny scooted to the edge of the sofa. His knees bouncing steadily until Patrick wove his arm so his elbow rested on Jonny’s thigh. He seemed to catch the hint as his leg stilled.

Anthony frowned. “I’m not allowed to give you any information about where she is or who she is with. But I can tell you that she was placed in a foster home last night.”

Jonny nodded, any semblance of normalcy fading. He hadn’t really expected to get their names and social security numbers, but he’d hoped for a little more reassurance than this.

“I will tell you, however…” Anthony lowered his voice, “that I have it on good authority that when she fell asleep she had her favorite blanket with her.”

Patrick smiled at that. It didn’t take much to conjure up the image of the little girl asleep, clutching the blanket against her cheek with one hand, her thumb in her mouth. It was how she fell asleep almost every night. Funny how something could make you both intensely grateful and incredibly sad all at once.

Patrick couldn’t help but wonder if she had been scared? How long did it take her to fall asleep in the new place? He knew she was too young to really understand and if this all fell through and they never saw her again, there was a weird peace in knowing that she wouldn’t remember them. She was too young to understand; too young to worry about whether they had abandoned her or if they loved her. It was the ultimate catch. She would grow up and never know them while they spent the rest of their lives never forgetting her.

Anthony cleared his throat. “You said over the phone that you want to get Addy back. I need you to know that I am fully prepared to start that process but I need to know from you both that this is what you really want, not just reactionary from everything last night.” Anthony folded his hands together in his lap, leaning back in his chair. His gaze was full of purpose and searching for an answer. “I know that you both have been through hell these past 24 hours but this is a huge decision and cannot be taken back once we get the ball rolling. Well I mean, the proceedings could technically be called off at any point, but you know what I mean. You need to be absolutely, 100% sure that this is what you want. Maybe spend a few days talking it over, see where you are in a week or so?”

Jonny shook his head firmly. “No, Anthony, you know how I was in the beginning. I wanted nothing to do with any of this…but it just fucking changed, man. I can’t really explain it, and I really don’t want to waste any time doing it, but you have to believe that this is what we want completely. We don’t want her, wherever she is – away from us – one minute longer than she has to be.”

Patrick nodded in agreement. Ever since Jonny had told him that he wanted them to try to get Addy back, Patrick had been fighting the voice in the back of his head that kept reminding him that he could screw this all up for Jonny. Patrick wanted nothing more than to get Addy back. He would do anything to get her back. Anything! Even if it meant throwing himself in front of the puck, so to speak, in the process. But he would cross that bridge when they got there. This was what was important at the moment.

Anthony smiled brightly. “That is all I need to hear, then. Okay here is what we are going to do. I’m going to see what the earliest is I can get us in for an emergency hearing with a judge and see what we can make happen…” Patrick could feel the vibrations coming off of Jonny in waves. He didn’t need to look over to know Jonny was likely grinning like a mad man. But Patrick did see the hesitation in Anthony’s posture, his hands becoming fidgety, “…but I must warn you both. This isn’t going to be an easy sell. Luckily Illinois is one of the few states that allow same-sex couples to jointly petition to adopt children…the issue here won’t be your sexual orientation like it would be in many other states. But the fact that you both have such a chaotic schedule, that provides little to no structural stability for raising a child, since both parents will be away for long stretches of time. Normally there would usually be one parent that would stay at home. This is going to be our biggest obstacle.”

Patrick nodded. They had expected this much. His stomach twisted uneasily when he thought that their schedules most likely wouldn’t be the only obstacle they would face.

Anthony continued. “I’m going to go back to my office and make some phone calls, see what I can get going. In the meantime, I want you to call every person you can think of that would be willing to help prove that not only would Addy have a strong and loving support system with you both, but that her life would be better with you than with anyone else. That is key, because the court’s main goal is to place Addy with the best option available, and to be honest, with her being so young, there won’t be any shortage of couples standing in line to adopt her.”

Anthony stood up, shook both their hands and left, promising to be back in a few hours with more news.

Andree and Bryan came down stairs a little while later, having just woken up. Jonny apologized repeatedly to his mother for the way he had acted towards her the night before. Andree, of course, had told him that she understood and there was no need to apologize. Then she’d cried when Jonny told her about their plans to try to adopt Addy. She’d declared the need to celebrate and banished herself to the kitchen where she started about putting together what would likely be the largest breakfast outside a team meal they’d ever seen.

Patrick floated around on the brim of all the commotion, leaving Jonny to do what he did best; organizing and corralling the troops. By 9am he’d already talked to the Pediatrician, the Sharps and Q, all of whom were on-board to help in any way they could.

Patrick would do anything to get Addy back but he also feared that his presence might do more harm than good. He wasn’t stupid. Now that Jonny didn’t have a biological right to Addy, Patrick’s involvement became all the more precarious, all the more crucial, vital. His stomach felt incredibly uneasy and for the first time, it wasn’t preceded by a night he couldn’t remember most of. He couldn’t be the reason this all fell apart.

They ate breakfast, with Andree and Jackie talking excitedly. Jonny and Bryan would jump in every now and then to reel them back in when their plans became too outlandish, but Patrick mostly kept quiet. He pushed the food around on his plate, not really in the mood to eat anything.

Afterwards, when the table had been cleared and Patrick was loading the dishwasher, Andree came in to the kitchen and stared at Patrick, hand on her hip, eyebrow cocked…the whole nine yards. “Patrick, you’ve been awfully quiet all morning. You’ve got your thinking face on and I know, personally, that that can sometimes lead to something big, so spill.”

Patrick exhaled loudly. He stood up from where he had been bent over the dishwasher, arranging the dishes and looked around the kitchen. He had been thinking about a lot of things but wasn’t quite ready to voice any of it aloud. But Andree seemed to have other things in mind and he knew from personal experience that he wasn’t getting out of this without telling her everything. She knew just as well as his own mother did, when he was lying, or wasn’t telling the whole truth. But still, he was going to try, “It’s nothing, really.”

He couldn’t even look her in the eyes.

“Patrick…” She warned. “I know we’ve all been worked up over what is going on but you don’t look like a man who is ready to fight what might be the biggest fight of his life. Now what is going on?”

Jonny picked that exact moment to walk in the kitchen; his arms full of their cups from breakfast. Patrick’s eyes widened; he really didn’t want to say anything to Jonny yet. Jonny was just so happy and Patrick was so unsure still, he didn’t want to ruin it, not yet anyways. Andree took the glasses from Jonny when she noticed Patrick’s reaction; Jonny could tell something was up but Andree motioned for him to leave the room. Reluctantly, he did. Andree turned back to Patrick, “Are you having second thoughts? Do you not want to get Addy back?” She didn’t look upset, not like Patrick thought she might be.

Patrick shook his head so quickly it almost hurt. “No, that’s just it. I want her back so bad. But I think a few things might need to change in order for that to happen.”

“Like what?” Andree asked. Patrick really wanted to be mad at Jonny’s mom for pushing him when he really wasn’t ready to talk. But she knew him, unfortunately, too well and even he knew that sometimes he needed his hand forced in order for him to not keep everything bottled up and eventually self-destruct in a mess of alcohol and bad decisions.

Patrick squared his shoulders and looked directly at Andree. “Like us. Me and Jonny.”

“What do you mean?”

Patrick leaned back against the counter, he suddenly felt boneless. “I think maybe I need to leave. I think the chances of Jonny getting Addy back are much higher if I am not around.”

Andree closed the dishwasher door so it wasn’t a barrier between them anymore. “Patrick, you heard what Anthony said. Illinois allows same-sex couples to apply for joint adoptions; you don’t have to worry about that.”

Patrick shook his head furiously. “That’s not what I’m talking about. All the shit I’ve done, the mistakes I made; all of that will be far more damning than the fact that we both happen to be guys.”

“Patrick Kane, you better thank your lucky stars I don’t knock the shit out of you right now.” Andree moved so she was standing directly in front of Patrick, fixing him with a look that told Patrick his best bet would be to not fuck this up.

“I really don’t think…”

Andree leveled her finger at him. “That is exactly the problem, Patrick, you don’t think; because the only way you could come up with a ridiculous, asinine idea like this is if you weren’t thinking.”

Patrick sighed, grabbing the drying towel that was hanging on a hook by the sink, wringing it in his hands to keep Andree from seeing how badly his hands were shaking. “Come on Andree, you know the shit I’ve done. The drinking, the partying, I mean fuck I got arrested for punching someone and let’s not even talk about Madison. No judge in their right mind would willingly give a kid to someone like me and I can’t stick around and let myself be the reason Jonny doesn’t get Addy back.”

Andree’s eyes softened a bit as she took a step back so she wasn’t crowding Patrick. “First of all, yes I do know what you’ve done because who do you think your mother called when you pulled all of that shit? That was hard for her because she felt like she failed you as a mother.” Patrick would have rather Andree did just knock the shit out of him rather than say that. Fuck! He felt like he was going to be sick for the millionth time that day. Of course his mom had never said anything like that to him but he knew after each incident that his family had been ashamed of him. “I’m only telling you that so I can tell you this. Because of what you did in the past it is easier to see what you’ve done to overcome that. How much you have changed, grown, in the last couple years since you and Jonathan figured your shit out…but even before that. You were starting to pull yourself together long before you and my son opened your eyes.”

Patrick leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms. “The fact that I haven’t gotten arrested or ended up a drunken mess as the main headline on Deadspin in a while doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t prove I’ve grown up…it just means that maybe I’ve gotten better at not making a public ass out of myself.”

Andree hated seeing Patrick like this. He was always the one who exuded confidence in everything he did. He often walked the fine line between self-assurance and an over-inflated ego, but he always managed to stay just on this side of it. Seeing him this unsure about himself was heartbreaking. “Yes it does, it means something to me, and to Jonny and to your family. It means you are actively trying because we know how easy it would be for you to fall back in to that with everything you have at your disposal. I am ashamed to admit this, Patrick, but when I showed up with Addy all those weeks ago, I was counting the seconds for you to run out that door and hit the first bar you could find,” Andree shifted nervously, for the first time, not meeting Patrick’s gaze. She took a moment, shook her head and then looked back up to Patrick, “I am so sorry that I didn’t believe in you. But you have matured so much…I know all the work you’ve been doing with the kids and with the community, focusing your time and resources towards helping others when you really don’t have to.”

Patrick rolled his eyes, shifting nervously. “All hockey players do charity work.”

Andree shrugged, “maybe, but not many of them do it when the cameras are off. I know about every time you went to visit the kids out at the hospital just because you wanted to. No cameras, no PR. When you would go and spend your entire day off going from room to room until you visited every kid there.”

Patrick looked at her, confused. “How…?”

Andree looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “Really, Patrick? As if I really need to explain this. Jonny told me, what do you think? Every time, he would call me and go on and on about how proud he was of you. And not because you stopped doing stupid things, but because you were starting to believe in yourself like Jonny always has.” Andree smirked, “it’s quite funny, really, how often the phone rings at my house and you are the topic of conversation. Not that I mind, of course.”

Patrick had to remind himself that crying in front of his boyfriend’s mother wasn’t the best way to be taken seriously. “But that still doesn’t make what I did ok. And no judge will give a kid to someone like me when there are lots of other people out there whose lives aren’t nearly as fucked up…I’m sorry, as screwed up as mine.” Andree smiled when he corrected his language. In all honesty it didn’t bother her one bit but she liked that Patrick was always conscious enough to catch himself around her. It meant he respected her as much as she respected him.

Andree reached out and cupped Patrick’s face in her hands. “You don’t know that.”

Patrick closed his eyes. “Exactly, and that is not good enough. I can’t risk it.”

“Can I come in now?” Jonny huffed from the other side of the kitchen door.

Patrick groaned.

Andree smiled, winked and patted his cheek. “Yes you may.”

Jonny opened the door slowly, his eyes fixed on Patrick as he all but stormed in to the kitchen. Andree cleared her throat, calling out as she walked out of the kitchen. “We were just finishing up. I will leave you boys to it. Patrick, don’t forget what I said.”

“Pat, what the hell is going on?” Jonny insisted. Patrick backed up until he was caught in the corner of the counter.

He knew Jonny wouldn’t let him just leave and he also knew he’d been standing outside of the door the whole time and likely heard everything because he was a nosy prick. “I just think that you’ll for sure get Addy if I am not around.” How many times was he going to have to say this before they all got it through their heads? This wasn’t exactly something he wanted to keep saying.

Jonny’s hands flew out at his sides. “And what, you think they won’t know about when I was arrested with Osh for public intoxication? Don’t be an asshole.”

“But that is different.”

“I really don’t see how it is,” Jonny sighed, stepping a little closer, “look, like I said before, I know I’ve kind of been going at this full bore and we’ve already talked to Anthony. But if you don’t want to do this then we need to talk about this and see what that means because I don’t want to give this…us…up.” 

Patrick couldn’t tamp down the frustration in his voice. “No, I do want it…so much it fucking hurts.”

Jonny pressed up against Patrick, venturing even closer when Patrick didn’t shy away. He lowered his voice until he was almost pleading. “Then stop this bullshit right now. We are going to go to that judge and we are going to show them how much we love Addy and why she needs to be with us and no one else. Remember what you say to me all the time: ‘We’re fucking awesome.’ Well it’s fucking true, we are awesome and we are going to show them that.”

Patrick actually started blushing, but the smirk was still there. “Yeah, but we’re usually in bed when I say that.”

Jonny laughed, running his hands up Patrick’s arms and down his back. “True, but we are just as fucking awesome out of bed as we are in it.”

Jonny closed what little space was left between them. It felt like they hadn’t done this in forever but he knew Patrick was still trying to figure things out with them. He still kept his distance at time but recently, over the last few days, he had been noticeably clingier to Jonny. He always waited for Jonny to initiate the contact but he never shied away from it. He was opening up and trusting Jonny to know when to stop, when to not push things further.

Jonny was going to risk it though as he pressed their lips together. The kiss was so hesitant it almost didn’t seem real. Patrick breathed out deeply, his hands cupping either side of Jonny’s neck, but neither rushed it. Jonny was ok to keep the languid kiss going for as long as they could; each shifting until they were molded together from chest to toe, but a soft knock at the door pulled them apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a question for you all. I hadn't originally planned on going much further in to the future with this story but after some interest in some of the comments, would you all be interested if maybe after I finish this story; if say I randomly posted updates, such as random moments that strike me for these guys. Because I'll be honest, I am just not ready to give them up just yet, I'm kind of addicted to the boys with Addy. Plus I like the idea of exploring Addy's life as she gets older. So what do you think? Updates or just leave it where it is when I finish this?
> 
> Contact me here or on tumblr - dannybriereisaliferuiner


	13. All I Can Taste Is This Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waiting sucks...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably should have disclaimed this from the beginning but with this story, you kind of have to take it for what it is. I've had to bend reality a bit to fit with what I wanted, but I have tried to remain somewhat true at the same time. But there were just some things I couldn't get around in the end and had to make work for me, lol. Hopefully all the technicalities don't take away from the story in the end...

“Sorry to interrupt.” Anthony cleared his throat, his voice muffled by the door that separated them.

Jonny’s head dropped to Patrick’s shoulder with a huff. “If we really didn’t need to talk to him I would so tell him to fuck off right now.”

Patrick wrapped his arms around Jonny’s neck, kissing the crown of his ear. “Come on in Tony.” Patrick yelled as Jonny pulled away to stand beside Patrick.

Anthony’s cheeks were red when he walked in and noticed their flushed faces and reddened lips. “I’m sorry, but I just got off the phone with CPS and the courthouse.”

They both nodded, waiting for him to continue, as Patrick’s fingers slipped between Jonny’s in a tight grip.

“It sometimes takes months to get in to see a judge,” Anthony began; Jonny and Patrick frowned. Months? Anthony continued, “but I was able to pull a few strings, called in a few favors and got us an appointment for two weeks from tomorrow. I already checked your schedules and you’ll be in town that day.”

“I guess that is pretty quick, then.” Jonny said. “I mean, I’d hoped it would happen sooner but two weeks is a hell of a lot better than two months.”

Patrick agreed.

Anthony nodded. “This will be to formally request the adoption and get things straightened out in the meantime, as far as custody goes. I have paperwork that you need to fill out, in the meantime, to get the process going once we present it to the judge. Once you have it finished I’ll mail it out.” Anthony handed them a packet of papers.

Patrick took the papers, letting the weight of the thick stack register. It was kind of weird that Patrick was basically holding the rights to a child’s life in his hands. This was what it would take for them to get Addy back.

Anthony continued, “I’m going to suggest that it is in the child’s best interest that she be placed back with you during the interim period based on familiarity and stability. That will be what the hearing is for in two weeks. A representative of CPS will come out and look over the apartment and interview you both, as well as Jackie, since you three will be her acting caretakers. I have a list of things the inspector will be looking for, as well,” Anthony handed them a smaller pack of papers.

Jonny gripped Patrick’s hand tighter in his own; looking over to the blonde with a soft smile. Patrick winked at him, brushing his thumb over Jonny’s knuckles. He was trying not to get overwhelmed by everything Anthony was telling them. If he got overwhelmed it would just add more worry to Jonny right now.

“With the little space that they have in the foster system it would be counterproductive for them to not allow her to be placed here where she is comfortable and taken care of, instead of taking up space that can be used for children who don’t have anyone. Work on getting that list taken care of; as soon as you do, I will arrange a visit from CPS. If all goes well, I don’t see why you won’t get Addy back after the hearing in two weeks.”

Patrick smiled so hard it fucking hurt.

The countdown was on.

*

The next two weeks were probably the oddest 14 days of Patrick and Jonny’s life. They had their normal routines on game days and of course there was a five-day road trip to break it up, but on the days when they didn’t have a game and found themselves sitting in the apartment, it was just weird. The first couple days after Addy was gone, Patrick would randomly find himself standing at the door to the nursery, his hand on the doorknob; as if he was about to check on the little girl while she took a nap. Jonny caught him, one time, but simply smiled, removed his hand from the doorknob and led him downstairs.

Jonny would randomly grab “Petit Nicholas” from his bedside table and read it to himself. He did this, Patrick quickly realized, when he missed Addy the most but wouldn’t say anything. When he would reach over for one of the books they kept on hand to read to Addy, Patrick would scoot over, curl in to Jonny’s side, wrap his leg around Jonny’s ridiculously thick thighs, kiss his shoulder and remain there until they both fell asleep. 

Patrick could tell that Jonny was nervous. He had a constant, thrumming edge about him that nothing Patrick did could tamp it down. So they channeled their nervous energy in to action. One by one they made sure that everything on the CPS list Anthony had given them was covered. Jackie had gone back to Buffalo for a couple days to get more of her stuff and once she had returned, Patrick had taken her shopping so she could fix her room up how she wanted it.

If Patrick and Jackie ended up buying a car-full of stuffed animals, toys and books…well, everyone could just deal. And if they spent an entire day painting the nursery during one of the rare times when Jonny was making a solo public appearance, Jonny didn’t give them any shit for it. So everything was good.

As Anthony had promised, a social worker from CPS came out to the house for an inspection and talked to Jonny, Patrick and Jackie. Jonny had been so anxious he hadn’t even drank, that morning, one of those nasty protein shakes he prayed to the hockey gods on or something. His hands were shaking and his palms were sweaty when Patrick had grabbed his hand to still it. It was all for not, though, as the woman who inspected the house was really nice and complimented them on having a “lovely” home.

Patrick felt really good about the world in general after she’d left.

It felt like time was moving way too fast and not nearly fast enough all at once. Then it was the night before the hearing.

Jonny and Patrick spent most of the night and the early part of the morning lying in bed wrapped up in each other, whispers of what they would do once they got Addy back hanging thick in the air like a promise. They had actually yet to get her to a game and, luckily, since their next two were at home, it was the perfect opportunity. Patrick wouldn’t even fight Jonny on whose jersey she was going to wear.

Patrick wanted his family to come down and meet Addy for the first time. His mom had been itching to get down here but the timing had never worked out. The girls, he worried, were not far from threatening to cut his balls off if they didn’t get to see Addy soon, so that needed to happen because he quite liked his balls as is.

Jonny wanted to teach her how to swim, because of course, he had learned how to swim freakishly young. And no one really needed to know that they had already ordered her a pair of skates; though they knew they were going to have to wait a while yet on that one.

Jonny couldn’t quite grasp the optimism that was coursing through him as they tried, and failed, to go to sleep. The next day would likely be long and exhausting but they were too keyed up and excited to sleep. All those days before, when they had lain in this same bed, the night before getting the DNA results, and Jonny hadn’t been able to sleep then either. But there was a distinct difference between the hesitation and fear he felt then and the anxiousness and need for time to speed up that he was feeling now. The apprehension he’d felt during those six weeks was gone. There was still the chance that they wouldn’t get Addy back but Jonny couldn’t even entertain that thought.

They were going to get their daughter back; that was the only option.

So they dozed on and off, minutes would pass before one of them would start talking again about something they would need to pick up at the store because it was Addy’s favorite or Patrick wondering if her tooth had come in yet even though they were both pretty sure it had since it had been exactly 15 days since they last saw her. Not that they were counting or anything.

Except that they totally were. Patrick had gone to the convenience store down the street from the apartment, bought a calendar that had some British boyband all over it – because he said that was all they had – and had circled the hearing date in red Sharpie marker. Whoever woke up first in the morning would X out the day when they were making coffee; it kind of became a daily tradition.

The morning of the hearing Patrick and Jonny got up way too early; showered and dressed before the sun had even come up and had already ate their breakfast before Jackie or Jonny’s parents had even woken up. Jackie was going to stay back at the apartment just in case and once Jonny’s parents had gotten ready, laughing at the boys’ impatience, they headed in to town.

The courthouse was old and formal, stuffy, and looked like it was made entirely out of wood and marble with high ceilings that made their footsteps echo loudly as they walked down the long corridor. They met Anthony out front and he led them to a small room and they all took their seats. Abby and Sharpy showed up a few minutes later. Patrick didn’t say anything when Abby had hugged him a little longer than necessary.

Anthony explained to them that the meeting would be considered informal as Patrick tried to find a somewhat comfortable spot in the rigid, high-backed chair.

Patrick was still a little put out when the judge walked in the room followed only by a stenographer, and he was not wearing one of those big black robes he’d seen judges wear on TV and in movies all his life. Instead, he was wearing a suit much like the ones Jonny and Patrick were wearing, and he took a seat across the table from them. He extended his hand and shook both of theirs with a reassuring smile. He had a tired look about him, but he also had a head full of white hair, chubby cheeks and thin glasses perched precariously on his nose. He looked like he was someone’s grandpa.

He introduced himself, Judge Abraham Eugene Phillips, as he looked over the papers he had carried in and motioned for Anthony to start. Anthony remained seated beside Jonny. He stated their want to formally adopt Addy after he had explained how Addy’s mom had abandoned the child with no form of identification or contact information. Anthony also explained that they wished to foster her during the interim period now that they had filed the paperwork and had passed the home inspection and interviews with the social worker. He pointed out, as well, that their medical records showed that they had been getting regular drug tests since they first started playing in Chicago and they had passed them all.

Jonny and Patrick were willing, of course, to take another drug test right now, but Patrick didn’t think that needed to be said aloud. It was probably already implied.

Patrick’s legs bounced beside Jonny’s. He tried to stop it but all he wanted to do was jump out of his skin because he was pretty sure that Addy was close by, he could feel it, and he was already over this hearing bullshit. He wanted to see Addy, nothing more.

Jonny placed his hand on Patrick’s knee, an understanding smile pulling at his lips. Patrick took a deep breath and tried to focus on what was being said.

The judge turned his attention to Andree as she explained to the judge how the baby’s mother had dropped her off and took off and how she brought the baby with her to Chicago so that the DNA test could be conducted. Jonny and Patrick explained the intricacies of their job and they explained the routine they had with Addy when they were at home. Their pediatrician had faxed over what medical records she had along with a statement of her observations of Jonny and Patrick with Addy.

Finally the judge talked to Abby and Sharpy for further character witnesses.

Judge Phillips took his glasses off and set them on the table, folding his hands in his lap as he settled his attention back to Jonny and Patrick. “I must say, gentlemen. For having what sounds to be your entire world turned upside down over the last few months, you both seem to have a fine grasp on what it is you are asking of the courts. While we do always wish to place as many children with adoptive families as we can, it is the courts responsibility to those children to make sure we make the right choice.” Out of the corner of his eye, Patrick saw Sharpy sit forward in his chair, about to say something, but the judge smiled and waved him down. What was that about?

“The report we received from the home inspector indicated that your home more than met their standards, and after talking to you both as well as your sister, Mr. Kane, who stated that she would be the one taking care of the child when you both are away with your jobs, I believe that it is in the child’s best interest that she be placed back into your care while the adoption process finishes. I see no reason why your request should be denied.” The judge laughed when Patrick clamped his hand on Jonny’s knee, trying to keep himself from jumping out of his chair.

Jonny sagged back against the chair he had previously been sitting quite literally on the edge of, when the judge’s words hit him. He could vaguely hear someone crying behind him, not sure if it was his mom or Abby, or both. Maybe it was Sharpy, who knew?

The judge stood up and Patrick was quick to shake his hand. “I really want to hug you right now!”

The judge smiled, opening his arms without a word. Patrick didn’t throw himself at the older man but it was a near thing. The judge clapped him on the back and congratulated them both. “You know, I’m a big fan of what you do on the ice…” he started when Jonny raised an eyebrow at him. “What? It’s Chicago, my mother knows who you boys are.” Everyone laughed. “But more so, I am an even bigger fan of what you both do off the ice with the community and for society as a whole. I’m glad I could help you along your journey.” Patrick blushed when the judge looked him dead in the eyes. He felt like his face might actually split in two from smiling so much.

Jonny stepped to the side to speak a little more with the judge and Patrick made his way over for celebratory hugs from everyone. When Sharpy approached, after letting his wife cry on his teammates shoulder, Patrick couldn’t hold it in any longer. “What was that earlier? What were you going to say to the judge?”

Sharpy’s cheeks reddened for possibly the first time the entire time Patrick had known him. “It sounded for a second like they might not let Addy stay with you guys while the adoption was going through…”

Patrick shrugged his shoulders, he still didn’t get it.

“After Jonny had called us originally about being character witnesses, and you guys mentioned there was a chance you wouldn’t get her back yet, Abby and I had talked it over and told Anthony that we would be willing to take her in if possible.” Patrick’s eyes widened as Abby tucked herself under her husband’s arm, nodding along.

“What? Why would you do that?” Patrick gasped.

“Addy didn’t only become your family, Peeks.” Sharpy grinned.

Abby rolled her eyes. “Look, I can’t say it was totally altruistic on our part, or at least not mine. I couldn’t bear the idea of not seeing her whenever, if they kept her away until everything was sorted out.” Abby toed her foot against the marble floor. “You guys are family.”

Patrick was damn near speechless. “I can’t believe you would do that for us?”

Sharpy’s hand came down on Patrick’s shoulder, as he ducked his head down a bit so they were eye-to-eye. “We would have taken her in a heartbeat but we kind of hoped we wouldn’t have to.”

Patrick smiled wide, about to respond, but Sharpy’s eyes shifted to somewhere behind Patrick and he gently urged Patrick to turn around.

Patrick’s confusion melted away when he saw Anthony standing by the door with Addy in his arms, wearing the same polka-dotted outfit she had been wearing when she left. Patrick hoped he didn’t elbow anyone out of his way but, really, he didn’t care either way. He scooped Addy up into his arms, blinking rapidly past the tears and buried his face in her neck, breathing her in. He kissed every inch of her face, smiling at her excited squeals until her excitement at seeing him again had worn off and now he was just pissing her off. She grunted and smacked his face with a slobbery hand. Patrick laughed when he noticed the lone tooth just poking out of her gums when she laughed at the face he made.

Fuck he missed this kid.

“Patrick?” Jonny’s voice wavered behind him and Patrick spun around, all the air leaving his lungs. Jonny’s face was like nothing Patrick had ever seen before; a weird mix of fear, impatience and elation morphing together all at once. Addy instantly leaned towards Jonny, her chubby little arms reaching for him. Jonny’s face crumbled as he reached for her, breathing out heavily. His arms encircled her tiny frame, holding her against his chest. It physically hurt Patrick to let her go but handing her over to Jonny was also the best feeling he’d ever experienced.

Jonny whispered something in her ear between kisses, his own tears forgotten as they fell freely down his cheeks. Addy didn’t understand the gravity of it all, though, as she grabbed gleefully at Jonny’s ear. Jonny caught Patrick’s eyes over the top of Addy’s head and he reached out, grabbing the front of Patrick’s suit jacket and hauling the smiling blonde in to his side. “Patrick!”

Patrick nodded into Jonny’s shoulder, his arms circling them both. “I know, I know.” Addy buried her fingers in Patrick’s hair, tugging sharply at his curls. Patrick didn’t even care that she was actually trying to eat his hair.

Anthony cleared his throat behind Patrick. “I hated that I had to take her from you in the first place so I wanted to be the one to give her back.”

Jonny was absolutely beaming. In the almost five years Anthony had been his lawyer, they had become rather close. Jonny had always respected the hell out of Anthony, and that had never changed. “You were just doing your job. But you’ve done so much for us…we couldn’t have gotten her back without you. Thank you so much.”

“I promised you both I would make sure she got her perfect parents, didn’t I?” Anthony winked and ducked away to finalize the paperwork so they could all leave as soon as possible.

Jonny pulled Patrick closer still, kissed Addy’s cheek and then Patrick’s curls. “Let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm thinking the next chapter will be the end...though there is a chance I might break it up in to two chapters. I have 2 midterms tomorrow and a paper due Thursday so I might not get a new update posted until Friday but I will try for sooner. 
> 
> Also, it looks like I will be doing random chapter updates of Addy and the boys' lives so if you have any suggestions or requests, lay it on me. They don't have to be the traditional 1st birthday and 1st day of school stuff either...it can be whatever...we'll see what happens.
> 
> Not gonna lie, though...I am already starting to miss it all since we're so close to the finish line!


	14. All I Can Breathe is Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost to the end!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter left after this one...

A week after they got Addy back she pulled herself up on to her hands and knees for the first time. Luckily the bottle that Patrick had just made was plastic and not glass or things would have gone bad real quick.

“Jonny! Get in here…HURRY!” Patrick yelled towards the stairs; bottle completely forgotten where it had rolled down the hall towards the kitchen.

Jonny, having just finished shaving and was about to get in the shower, came running down the stairs, taking three steps at a time and trying to pull his pants back up. “What’s wrong?” He asked, breathing hard as he looked around the room with wide eyes.

Patrick grinned, threw his arm around Jonny’s shoulder and pointed to Addy. She was still raised up on her hands and knees on the blanket in the middle of the room. Her attention was fixated on the television as she bopped her head along to the music, rocking back and forth to the rhythm.

“Holy shit!” Jonny breathed out, smiling like an idiot but neither moved. Jonny wanted to scoop the little girl up in to his arms and kiss the shit out of her, but he also didn’t want to mess with her while she was figuring this out.

Patrick watched Jonny watch Addy; noted the easy smile across the brunette’s lips, the wonder in his eyes. “She’s gonna be crawling soon!”

Jonny groaned with the realization. “That means we’ve got to put those baby latch things that Sharpy was bitching about on everything.”

The next day Jonny hired a company to come out to the apartment after they were finished with practice to baby-proof everything.

It worked a little too well, though, when one night, after a night out for Leddy’s birthday, and a few beers – Patrick was shocked at how little alcohol it took to actually get him drunk now…his tolerance was for shit – Patrick had ended up pissing in the shower after losing a fight with the toilet latch. The next day Jonny had made Patrick spray the shower down with bleach spray while Jackie showed him, once again, how to work the latch.

And so they waited for Addy to start crawling…and they waited. And waited.

She’d mastered pulling herself up like a champ but otherwise seemed perfectly uninterested in actually moving.

A month after they got her back, she crawled for the first time.

When Patrick and Jonny were a thousand miles away on a four day road trip.

“Don’t move!” Jackie shouted as soon as they walked in the front door. Patrick froze; Jonny shut the door behind him. It was late morning and the two were already ready to crash for the rest of the day. They’d left San Jose at an ungodly hour after a late game that had gone to a shootout. It hadn’t helped that they’d met up with Bur after the game to catch up. There had been shots involved.

“What’s wrong?” Patrick asked as his adrenaline kicked in. What the hell was going on? He started looking around their feet.

“Just stay right there.” Jackie called out from wherever the fuck she was.

“What are you doing?” Jonny asked, looking at Patrick as the blonde spun around where he stood.

“I don’t know, looking for a rolling eye or missing finger or something. Why can’t we move?” Patrick questioned with a slight hint of panic to the edge of his voice.

“Fuck!” Jonny whispered, shoving Patrick around in time to see Addy crawling around the corner, Jackie following close by, crouched down with her arms extended out. When Addy saw them she shrieked and tried to crawl faster, ending up flat on her belly for her trouble. She looked cutely pissed as she picked herself back up and continued her trek towards them.

This time, Patrick was frozen in sheer fucking precious I-can’t-believe-she’s-crawling love. 

Jonny quickly stepped around him and picked Addy up, holding her above his head. “Look at you! When did this happen?”

Jonny looked to Jackie who was standing between him and Patrick, nervously twisting the hem of her shirt between her fingers. “She started a few days ago. I’m sorry! I was going to take a video of it and send it to you but I was afraid it would distract you from your game,” Jackie looked to Jonny, “I didn’t want you guys to get upset that you missed it and it throw off your focus.”

Jonny positioned Addy on his hip and walked towards the kitchen, leaning down to kiss Jackie’s cheek as he walked by.

Patrick was still standing by the door; he had yet to move. Jackie grabbed his hands, tugging lightly. “You ok, Patty? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I know I should have but I just wasn’t sure…”

“No, Jacks, it’s ok. I’m not mad! It’s just,” Patrick looked around, trying to figure out what he was feeling and put it in to words, “I just…it all hit me at once, you know? But seeing her crawling and see her recognize us and…like I’m someone’s dad. It’s so fucking stupid but…I’m her dad!”

Jackie nodded, rubbing her hands up and down Patrick’s arms, grinning at her brother.

“Like, that’s fucking weird right?” Patrick laughed doubling over and breathing out heavily. “I’m responsible for someone else’s life.”

The tension evaporated as Jackie laughed along with her brother. “That was kind of the plan, yeah?”

*

A week later Patrick’s family flew in to Chicago. Jackie had agreed to pick them up from the airport because they all knew that if Patrick or Jonny showed up without Addy, there would be hell to pay. And they really didn’t want to take Addy to the airport with so many people and so many camera phones. They weren’t hiding her at all; they took regular trips to the park or walks around the block when the weather cooperated. Hell they had turned up in pictures of the front of a few Chicago gossip sites, but airports were too crowded, it was like tempting fate or something. So they stayed at home with Addy, and waited.

“Where is my baby?” Donna Kane shouted by way of hellos as she walked through the front door.

Patrick broke out in to a wide grin, handed Addy to Jonny and jumped up from where he had been sitting on the couch. “I’m right here, Mama!” He shouted and threw his arms wide; all but lunging at his mom. Donna smiled, returning the hug as Patrick’s dad and sisters made their way in behind the matriarch of the family, luggage in tow.

“You’re cute,” Donna playfully patted Patrick’s cheeks, “but I was talking about Addy.”

Patrick made a show of pouting. “Harsh! Haven’t seen you in like eight months and this is the greeting I get?”

Donna rolled her eyes, “Patrick, I’ve spent 24 years with you. You’ll live, I promise.”

Donna spotted Addy who was by now sitting on the floor between Jonny’s feet where he was standing by the couch; she was watching all the commotion, banging her baby doll on the floor when she noticed all the new people. Jonny reached down to pick her up, handing her immediately to Patrick’s mother. “Hello, Mrs. Kane.”

“Jonathan Toews, what have I told you? You are the father of my grandchild; drop the formalities.” Jonny went to speak but he was stopped by a hand. “If you do not start calling me Donna, at the very least, you are going to upset me. Do you want to upset me, Jonathan?”

Jonny shook his head. He could practically hear Patrick smirking a few feet away. Jonny glared at him before returning his attention to Donna. “No ma’am.”

“Good boy!” Donna winked, turning her full attention to Addy as she walked away, speaking softly to the child.

Patrick had started rummaging through the gift bags that had been brought up from the car until he found what he was looking for. Erica smacked his hand away but it did little good. “Presents!” Patrick exclaimed, pulling brightly wrapped packages out of the bag and shaking them by his ear.

Jess elbowed him in the side and snatched the package out of his hands, “That is for your daughter, you over-grown child.”

There was no acting now, Patrick was actually sulking. “All of them?”

Patrick’s dad slapped him on the back with a grin, “’Fraid so, Buzz.”

“My turn!” Erica announced, pushing her way past Patrick and towards their mom.

“I’m next!” Jess followed closely behind. Within a matter of minutes all of Patrick’s sisters were crowded around Donna who still had ahold of Addy. They were doing that weird baby talk thing that still managed to freak Jonny out; Addy was eating that shit up.

Nature vs. Nurture? That child was Patrick made over when it came to being the center of attention.

Patrick’s parents insisted on taking everyone out for dinner, so they went to the nicest, kid-friendly restaurant in town. They were entirely too loud but luckily they were seated towards the back of the restaurant and it wasn’t extremely crowded. Everyone passed Addy around when Jonny wasn’t trying to feed her something that was supposed to be a beef dinner with vegetables but actually smelled more like that nasty shit in a can Patrick used to have to feed their cat when he was little.

Patrick scrunched up his nose. That’s just perfect, they were feeding their daughter cat food.

Jonny, without looking away from where he was trying to get Addy to open her mouth around the spoonful of food, rolled his eyes and turned the jar so Patrick could read the label.

Ok so it wasn’t cat food but Addy was clearly not having any of it; and how the fuck did Jonny do that? He kicked Jonny under the table.

Jonny just smirked like the absolute douche he was.

After dinner, they all went back to the apartment. Patrick’s sisters were going to crash in Jackie’s room, something about a slumber party and shitty reality tv marathon; Patrick’s parents were going to stay at a near-by hotel. Jonny and Patrick had offered them their room and they would take the pullout couch, but Donna had laughed and politely refused. So Jonny booked them in the nicest hotel in Chicago and all but told Donna to be quiet and suck it up when she’d started to protest.

It was kind of weird having four extra people around the apartment because that equaled out to four extra sets of hands grabbing for Addy. Jonny knew that they were just trying to get their fill and that this was the first time they’d seen more than pictures of Addy, but Jonny wouldn’t lie; ever since they’d gotten Addy back, unless he absolutely had to, he didn’t much like letting Addy out of his sight.

But it was also kind of nice because it gave Jonny and Patrick a chance to be alone for a change. Road trips aside, when they were at the house, their focus was always on Addy. Most night, by the time they got her to sleep, they were too exhausted to do much else besides shower and fall on to the bed. It wasn’t unusual for them to wake up in the middle of the night still on top of the covers.

Donna had requested to be the one to put Addy to bed as the girls, loaded down with every snack they could find, barricaded themselves in Jackie’s room.

At first, Jonny and Patrick sat on their respective sides of the bed, typing furiously on their laptops trying to catch up on emails from sponsors and the PR department for the Hawks. They were scheduled to shoot a few commercials and TV spots over the next few weeks, leading up to the playoffs, which they were pretty much a lock for. PR wanted them to do a couple radio shows, both together and a few separately. They worked in comfortable silence for a while.

Sometime later, Donna could be heard down the hall telling the girls to behave and she would see them in the morning. She threw out a “night boys” towards their room on her way before the front door shut behind her and Pat.

Patrick looked over to Jonny, smiling softly as he made a show of shutting his laptop and putting in on the night stand. He slid down under the sheets, stretching his arms above his head. Looking pointedly at Jonny’s laptop, he smirked when Jonny rolled his eyes and followed suit.

“Come on!” Jonny huffed, meeting Patrick in the middle of the bed.

Patrick burrowed in, turning and squirming until he was half laying on Jonny, his head on Jonny’s shoulder and his leg wrapped around his thigh, hooking his ankle around Jonny’s calf.

“Comfortable?” Jonny laughed and then yelped when Patrick pinched the tender skin under his ribs. Jonny grabbed Patrick’s hand, twisting their fingers together to stop him.

They remained silent for a while, Patrick playing with their joined hands while Jonny’s fingers skirted around the base of Patrick’s neck, pulling playfully at his curls. They could hear a burst of laughter from the girls room every now and then and Jonny could feel Patrick get a bit restless.

“I was thinking…” Jonny started but Patrick interrupted him.

“No we cannot have sex when my sisters are right down the hall. They are evil. They are horrible people and they find a way to blackmail us for life.” Patrick pouted, wiggling his freezing toes against the sensitive skin of Jonny’s ankle. Jonny tried to move his leg away but Patrick’s leg just tightened around his.

“Well now that I know where your mind is…” Jonny reached with their joined hands to poke Patrick’s belly, making the blonde squirm, “that isn’t what I was going to say. I was going to say that I was thinking about what we should name Addy?”

Patrick twisted to look up at Jonny. “What do you mean; I thought we did name her. You don’t like Adelaide anymore?”

“No dumbass! I mean her full name.” Jonny said.

“Oh, right.” Patrick ducked his head but Jonny could still see the blush creeping down his neck and reaching across his bare chest.

Jonny tightened his grip, his hand slipping down to Patrick’s hip; his fingers splaying wide. “So I was thinking we could do either Kane-Toews or Toews-Kane. We still need a middle name but this is more important. It doesn’t matter to me which is first or which is last, so whatever you want to do.”

“You want my name in there?” Patrick stared at Jonny, shocked.

Jonny shook her head, his lips resting against Patrick’s temple as he spoke. “Dammit Patrick, stop doing that!”

“Doing what?” Patrick pushed himself up on to his elbow.

“This!” Jonny motioned between them. “Acting all surprised and shit when I try to talk to you about Addy.”

Patrick chewed on his lip. “I just figured you would want Toews.”

“How many times do I have to say it, she is yours too. Now more so than ever. She is no more mine than yours so she should have your name too.” Jonny pulled Patrick back down against him.

Patrick didn’t say anything for a while; so long that Jonny almost thought he’d fallen asleep if it wasn’t for his slightly uneven breathing.

Another burst of laughter came from down the hall. Patrick tensed.

“How about Toews last?” Patrick asked.

“Adelaide Kane-Toews?” Jonny nodded. He liked the sound of that.

Patrick picked at a piece of lint at the hem of Jonny’s sweatpants. “Yeah, but without the hyphen.”

Jonny nudged Patrick with his shoulder until the blonde looked up at him. “What do you mean?”

“If it’s important to you that she has my name, then maybe that can be her middle name. But I want her last name to be yours.” Patrick’s eyes searched Jonny’s. “Only yours.”

“But why?” Jonny asked, his head tilting to the side as he took in Patrick’s nervous state.

Patrick let his head drop down to Jonny’s shoulder, his mouth a soft touch against the skin. “Because I am hoping like fuck that that will be my last name, some day.”

The corner of Patrick’s mouth twitched up, trying to play his words off, but Jonny could see the edge of fear in Patrick’s eyes.

“Patrick Kane, are you proposing to me?” Jonny’s voice rose as he sat them up, their legs still tangled together as they faced each other. His heart was pounding heavy against his ribs and ringing loudly in his ears as he waited for Patrick to speak.

“Depends on your answer,” Patrick blushed again. “I’ll be honest, that wasn’t the plan five minutes ago, for sure. But I would be lying if I said I haven’t been thinking about it. A lot. Like all the damn time.”

Jonny shook his head, trying to clear the million and one questions that were bombarding his brain at the moment. “Patrick, this isn’t something we have to do. Not because of Addy, not to prove anything to anyone.” Jonny hedged forward.

Patrick shook his head quickly. “No! That’s not why…I didn’t…Okay, let me start over.” Patrick ran his hands through his hair, scratching at the back of his neck. He breathed out heavily and reached for Jonny’s hands. Jonny went willingly, rubbing his thumb patiently across Patrick’s knuckles. “Yes, it is because of Addy that I was thinking about it. But not for the reason’s you think. Look, I know that we’ve gone about all of this, so far, fairly unscathed, people have been pretty fucking awesome for the most part. But I also know that there will be times when things are going to be pretty fucked. Addy is going to go through a lot of shit not only because her dads are famous athletes, but also because her dads are…well her dads. But at the end of the day, I don’t want there to be a hyphen. I don’t want her to be half mine and half yours or whatever. When she ends up hating us for pretty much existing and making her life a living hell, I at least want her to know that no matter what we love her and that we will always be a family. Doing that whole hyphen thing just feels like we’re splitting her; like it’s a cop out and we’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop or something.”

Jonny was smiling so wide it almost looked painful. It was also slightly disconcerting. Patrick was still getting used to this new Jonny. His new Jonny that let the tense edge of the game drop when they were at home, now. “What if I want to be a Kane?” Jonny challenged.

Patrick narrowed his eyes. “Do you really?”

“No,” Jonny ducked in to kiss Patrick quickly, placating, “I’m not gonna lie. I kind of really want you to have to sign checks and other official shit as Patrick Toews for the rest of your life. You know, no big deal.”

Jonny leaned forward, pulling Patrick in to his lap. Patrick started talking as Jonny bit lightly at his jaw.

“Fuck that official shit, if we do this I’m going all the way. Think my autograph would be worth more or less once I’m a Toews?” Patrick tilted his head a little so Jonny had better access.

Jonny grunted. “Don’t say that if you don’t mean it”

Patrick thought about stepping out on to the ice; with Toews sewn above the #88 stretched across the pads on his back. Jesus Christ that was hot. “The fuck I don’t mean it. We’ve not hid anything yet, why start now?”

Jonny shook his head, kissing his way to Patrick’s mouth, his mind doing awful things to him as he pictured Patrick with his last name across his back like a brand. The fact that Patrick would do that, wouldn’t hide it or wait to change his name until after they’d retired or whatever, was huge. It’s not like it would take much for people to find a marriage license anyways and for the media to eat it up. They might as well take it and make it theirs from the beginning. No shame, no regrets.

More laughter broke up his thoughts as Patrick stilled in his lap. Jonny laughed against the blonde’s lips. “You want to do the sleepover, don’t you?”

Patrick whined in protest but his eyes softened.

Jonny breathed heavily, more for effect than anything. “Well, it’s not like I was going to get laid tonight or anything anyways.”

Patrick smiled so big his eyes crinkled. “You don’t mind? It’s just, I haven’t…”

Jonny shoved Patrick out of his lap with a grin. “I get it! Go!”

Patrick grabbed his pillow as Jonny stood up and followed him out of the room. Jonny stopped just outside of Addy’s door as Patrick made his way to Jackie’s room. Before he opened the door, though, he jogged back over to Jonny, threw his arms around him and kissed him breathless. “Maybe I can talk my parents in to switching with us tomorrow. They can stay here and we can take their room for the night. How’s that sound?”

Jonny tightened his arms around both Patrick and his pillow that was now smashed between them. “Sounds like you better go see your sisters or I’m gonna give them some good shit to blackmail us with if you don’t get away from me now.”

Patrick laughed, shimmying his ass as he walked away. He knocked on the door and ducked in the room. Patrick’s voice rose, muffled against the walls that separated them, “which one of you ladies wants to be my best man?” It took a second for it to sink in before the yelling and shrieking picked back up, but this time to an even greater magnitude.

Jonny shook his head before turning the doorknob and poking his head into Addy’s room. The light from the hallway flooded in enough so that he could see Addy standing up, holding on to the rails of the crib with one hand. Her other hand was halfway in her mouth as per usual. She squealed loudly when she saw Jonny.

“Hey Bug!” Jonny whispered. “What are you doing up?”

Addy smacked her wet fist against the rail, gurgling in response.

“Did your aunts wake you up?” Jonny asked as he reached down and picked her up, holding her close against his chest. Her head fell in to the slope of his shoulder, her hand fisting at the collar of his shirt.

Jonny grabbed her binkie, checked to make sure she didn’t need her diaper changed and walked back to his and Patrick’s bedroom. He laid her down in the middle of the bed before getting under the covers himself and curled towards her. She sprawled out on her back like a starfish and looked up at him.

“Guess what! Your daddy and papa are getting married.” Jonny whispered, ducking his face in close. Addy laughed and smacked him in the nose. Jonny reached over to turn the light off beside his bed, plunging the room into darkness. He rested his hand against Addy’s belly, his fingers spread out wide; Addy grabbed ahold of his thumb. Her soft mumbling soothing as Jonny’s eyes started to drift shut. He could feel her breathing evening out until he was sure she was asleep. She would wake up before anyone else, no doubt, so Patrick would never have to know that Jonny let her sleep in their bed. He really didn’t need Patrick to know how much he couldn’t sleep alone anymore. That was like giving a loaded gun to a chimp. Nothing good could come from that knowledge.

At least, nothing good for Jonny, anyways.

Jonny could hear Addy sucking on her thumb as he drifted off to sleep. His last thought was of wanting this whole adoption thing to hurry up because he wanted nothing more than to be able to finally write on that piece of paper: Adelaide Kane Toews. Daughter of Jonathan Bryan Toews and the soon-to-be Patrick Timothy Toews.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what did you think?


	15. You're The Closest To Heaven That I'll Ever Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tis the end, my loves...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this took so long to finish. Part of it was midterms and an insanely crazy Spring Break that wasn't much of a break at all, part of it was being too excited about going to the CBJ v Blackhawks game on the 14th, but most of all, it was simply because I wasn't ready for this to be over. I'm still not...but I needed to do this and get it out there.
> 
> I tried to make this longer than most chapters (almost twice as long) to make up for how long it took me to post this.
> 
> I'm not satisfied with it, like at all, I wanted so much more, so much more emotion, in this but I just couldn't seem to make it happen how I had it planned out in my head. 
> 
> Again, I tried to stick with reality as much as possible but, again, I had to do things my own way in order to make it work, so please excuse anything that might not make 100% sense.

Jonny never made a big deal of his birthday. He knew he was still young at 25 but none-the-less he hadn’t felt the need to celebrate it in a long time…like pre-NHL kind of time frame. Of course that hadn’t stopped the guys, or more specifically Patrick and Sharpy, from coming up with some kind of ‘epic bro night’ filled with alcohol, liquor…and even more liquor and a particularly memorable night a couple years ago that had involved a stripper and hot wax and Jonny never though his nipples would be the same after that one.

But this year was proving to be different for many reasons. Not only had they pushed a Game 7 in the Quarter Finals to take place later on that evening, but, more importantly, the final adoption hearing for Addy had also fallen on his birthday. Jonny’s birthday would forever be the day Addy officially became theirs; from this point on, the day would always belong to Addy and Jonny was perfectly okay with that.

So they were all back at the courthouse; same building, different room. They were in an actual court room this time, but it was closed off to the general public. Both of their families had flown in for it and everyone was huddled together; nervous energy snapping in the air like a low-lying current constantly humming amongst them all.

Addy had been in her element with all her grandparents, her aunts and her uncle all vying for her attention since they’d all arrived and this time, Patrick and Jonny didn’t fight it. They didn’t argue when they wanted to take her to the zoo or to the museum during the day so Patrick and Jonny could get in to game-mode. It wasn’t necessary, but it was nice. It gave them some much needed time alone, which pretty much meant they spent the entire time in bed…sleeping. It was fucking lame. But last season during the playoffs they could spend all day in bed if they needed it, they could go to the gym whenever they needed to expend some of the anxiousness making it hard to settle down. They could wake up at noon on days when they didn’t have practice if they wanted. Now, however, they were all on Addy time and they were already feeling the difference in their bodies.

But no matter what happened, or how they felt, they absolutely did not regret it for one second.

Jonny, Patrick and Anthony were seated behind one of the large mahogany tables, their families crowded behind them in a small cluster within the large room. Jonny could hear Addy babbling around her favorite blanket Sharpy and Abby had gotten her.

She had become increasingly verbal over the last few weeks. She had only said a few words: Papa (for Jonny), Ack (for Jackie) and ‘no’…that was the big one. Both their mom’s had agreed that any kid of theirs would be fluent in the language of ‘No.’ It was how Jonny learned to argue his point of view and it was how Patrick had survived his sisters growing up.

Judge Phillips sat behind the bench, wearing his black robe much to Patrick’s delight as he looked over the stack of papers in his hands. They had already gotten through the formalities of the proceedings, stating their full names and intent with the court while Anthony had presented all the paperwork needed. Now it was completely out of their hands and all up to the judge. “I know I said this before, but you young men have gone above and beyond in your professional lives with the work you do through the Blackhawks organization. Since our first meeting I’ve looked deeper in to your lives in order to get a better feel for who you young men are in order to make the best decision I can in regards to the minor child’s best interests.”

Patrick tried to swallow against the lump in his throat but his throat was suddenly dry. Nothing good could come from someone digging into his past in order to determine what kind of person he was. Jonny elbowed him, “breathe, it’ll be ok.” he whispered, hooking his pinkie finger with Patrick’s for a moment to ground the blonde.

Judge Phillips settled his attention directly on Patrick. “No one in this room can claim to be perfect. I know I sure as hell can’t. We’d all love a few solid ‘do-overs’ if given the opportunity but the test of a person comes not from how hard they fall but how well they pick themselves back up,” the judge nodded at Patrick before looking back towards the rest of their group. “I’m impressed with everything you have done through your various charities and with the Blackhawks organizations but more importantly, I am fascinated with what you have done off the record. While Chicago is a large city, the people are strong and proud, but not shy. The stories I have heard over the years in regards to you two, about your work with inner-city school children, terminally ill patients and our veterans has quite frankly left me speechless. You both are fine examples of what being a good citizen and even better people really is.”

Jonny was pulled from the moment and struck by how much Judge Phillips reminded him of his grandfather when he smiled. Jonny’s took a deep breath in that moment because he knew…he knew…that everything was going to be ok.

Patrick exhaled, slumping forward for a second before straightening himself back up. He felt a hand pat at his back and knew instinctively it was his dad. His dad had always believed in him even when he had every right not to over the years. Patrick snuck his hand behind him and gave him a blind thumbs up.

Addy had started to get restless. Jonny could hear one of the girls quietly trying to talk to her to keep her from getting any louder. It wasn’t working. They were passing her back and forth to see if anyone could get her to calm down.

“Any concerns that I had about stability for the child concerning your rather chaotic work schedules have been erased after having talked to you both as well as Ms. Kane, who will be looking after the child while you two are away. All of the home inspections have passed with flying colors and your attorney has completed all steps in attempting to contact the birth mother. As in most cases of abandonment the attempts went either unnoticed or ignored.” Judge Phillips pulled a piece of paper out of the stack, “since the child was abandoned with no records of identification, as you know, we took an ink print of her foot and found her in the Winnipeg database and have been faxed a copy of her original birth certificate. Would you like to know her birthdate?”

Patrick nodded as Jonny leaned forward, “please?”

Judge Phillips glanced back down at the paper, sliding his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. “September 6, 2014.”

Jonny looked to Patrick and smiled. They’d never really given much thought to not really knowing the exact day Addy had been born but now it seemed ludicrous not to know all along. 

Judge Phillips continued, “in finding her birth certificate, of course, we now know who her birth mother is but as I mentioned before, all attempts to contact the birth mother went unanswered. As you both will soon learn her birth mothers name, I only caution you to think carefully about how you choose to utilize that knowledge.”

Addy was growing more and more agitated, growling loudly around the blanket. Jonny couldn’t see her but it wasn’t hard to imagine her trying to squirm away from whoever was holding her. “DADDY!” Her voice pierced high and clear through the nearly empty room, bouncing loudly off the walls.

Jonny’s breath caught as Patrick stilled. Addy had said “Papa” a few days back when she had gotten frustrated with Patrick trying to dress her. She had caught sight of Jonny across the room and had nearly shrieked, reaching out with grabby hands in his direction. It had been enough for Jonny to feel like he’d gotten hit in the chest with a slapshot going at Chara-like speeds.

They both looked back quickly to see Addy leaning away from Donna, clutching on to the banister that separated her from Patrick. She had a death grip with one hand on the wooden rail and was trying to reach Patrick’s suit jacket with the other.

Patrick wanted to take her, wanted to grab her up, hug the shit out of her and never let her go. She’d never called out to him like that before, never said ‘daddy’ before. Leave it to her to pick now to do it. The little shit!

Patrick turned back to the judge who was smiling widely, “never gets old does it?” he asked fondly.

Patrick cleared his throat, trying to blink back the moisture gathering in the corner of his eyes. “Sorry, Your Honor, she’s actually never said that before. It’s silly, I’m sorry for the interruption,” he looked sideways at Jonny, shrugging when Jonny caught him trying to reach back with one hand to Addy if only for a little contact. Enough to settle them both down.

The judge’s laughter boomed throughout the room, “well then I suggest you pick your daughter up!”

Patrick stopped just as he was about to turn and reach for Addy, “I’m sorry, sir…?”

“Yes! This hearing was all a formality in my eyes; she’s been yours all along. I hereby grant legal custody of Adelaide Kane Toews to Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews. Adoption granted, now hug your daughter!” The judge grinned as he slammed the gavel down.

Patrick spun around, grabbing for Addy in one quick motion, pulling her tight against his chest and burying his nose in her hair that was just starting to curl. Andree and Donna hugged, crying on each other’s shoulder as their husbands shook hands before giving up and hugging as well. The girls cried and David was caught in the middle of a mess of arms and tears. 

Jonny pulled Patrick against his side, his hand rubbing soothingly at his back until his fingers buried in the blonde curls at his neck. Addy reached for Jonny, the spell apparently broken now that she got what she wanted and was ready for someone else to pay attention to her. Patrick couldn’t even be the slightest bit upset by it. He moved her so Jonny could take her, leaning up to place a soft kiss on the underside of Jonny’s jaw as they traded off.

Jonny’s eyes were bright as he propped Addy on his hip. Their families were chatting noisily in front of them as Anthony talked to the judge behind them and he had Patrick and their daughter at his side. Jonny smiled down at Patrick as he pulled him even closer, kissing the soft curls on top of his head.

They’d known going in to the hearing that this was how it would end. They knew that they had never been able to find Addy’s mother and they’d never had any problems with any of the home inspections; they’d done everything they needed to do. They knew the adoption would go through.

Why it was now hitting them both like a ton of bricks, like there had been the slightest chance it wouldn’t go through…it didn’t make any sense. But few things ever seemed to make sense with them anymore.

Jonny and Patrick both signed Addy’s revised birth certificate, proudly writing her new name where ‘Baby Girl Doe’ had once been. They each signed their names and Anthony promised to get it notarized and a copy mailed to them as soon as possible.

As they filed out of the courtroom and turned the corner, Jonny and Patrick were struck with a wall of sound that hit them all at once. There, sitting on every available bench and flat surface they could find was pretty much the entire team as well as the coaching and training staff and a few of the wives and girlfriends. The guys were dressed in suits that Jonny could tell some were brand new. It looked like they had even attempted to comb their hair, though none had shaved for the occasion. Hockey was hockey and these guys were superstitious about certain things and one of the biggest rules is that you never shaved, not for anything, once the playoffs began.

Jonny couldn’t help but laugh at the juxtaposition of tailored suits and horrific facial hair that littered the hallway. These were some of their closest friends and they’d all come out to celebrate with them.

Everyone gathered around them, shouting loudly over each other to be heard. They were asked to be quiet twice before Sharpy showed up, out of breath and holding 2 cupcakes in his hand, each with a single candle sticking out of the bright icing. “One for our favorite Captain’s birthday and one for the Monster officially joining the family!”

Abby lit the candles and kissed both their cheeks.

Jonny rolled his eyes but blew his candle out, threatening death to Sharpy if he even thought about smashing the cupcake in his face. Sharpy pulled his arm back for a second before handing the cupcake to his daughter when Jonny politely declined eating it. Too much sugar!

Maddy devoured the cupcake, managing to only get a little bit of the blue icing on Abby’s pink dress.

Everyone turned their attention to Addy, who was by now back in Patrick’s arms. Patrick and Jonny were trying to show her how to blow the candle out but she wasn’t getting the hang of it quick enough. She was only managing a small puff of air that barely shook the flame.

“Oh my god!” Shawzy groaned as he leaned around Abby and blew the candle out quickly.

“What the hell?” Patrick yelled as Shawzy took off running down the hall. Jonny glanced to his brother who nodded once and took off after the fleeing hockey player.

By that point, they were asked to leave the courthouse all together.

 

*

 

They won the game that night against the Oilers, swept the Kings in the Conference Semifinals, pushed 7 games against Sharks in the Conference Finals and had just beaten the Red Wings in Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Finals.

If winning the Cup the first time around had been nothing short of utterly fucking incredible, winning this time around was indescribable. This time, Sharpy got the game winning goal off assists from Jonny and Patrick in overtime. Patrick’s jazz hands remained in control but this time there was no question about the goal…it was in and they had just fucking won.

The crush of players surrounding them pushed them up against the boards with so much force it almost knocked the air out of their lungs. Patrick, Jonny and Sharpy were all arms and hugs as their teammates shouted around them and the fans were pounding the glass behind them so hard they were rocked with the motion of it. Helmets were gone; gloves and sticks left a visible trail to where they now stood crowded behind the net.

Sharpy grabbed Patrick first and then Jonny, quickly kissing them both in elation before he wormed his body around to face the rest of his team, throwing his arms up, renewing the loud shouting as he flung himself at the nearest guy. Patrick could distinctly remember the taste of scoring the winning goal; knowing that it was you who made it happen, who made the dreams of your closest friends come true with the flick of his wrist, watching that little piece of rubber sail past the goalie with unstoppable force.

Patrick couldn’t stop smiling at his friend. Sharpy deserved this moment; deserved this place forever etched in history.

No one really paid them much attention as they stood pushed up against the glass. All eyes were on Sharpy, and rightfully so. Jonny reached between them, twisting his fingers with Patrick’s, pulling their hands up between their chests. He leaned in, lips pushing against Patrick’s ears as they were jostled by their frenzied teammates. “I never thought anything could beat the first time,” Jonny raised his voice to just below a shout.

Patrick’s eyes had already been watering, this wasn’t helping anything. He nodded.

When they had won the first time, completely at Patrick’s hands, literally; the idea of anything topping that moment would have been unfathomable at best.

But this time, he had Jonny. He had the only person that had ever made him feel like he deserved better, believed that he could always do better, and trusted completely that they were it for each other for the rest of their lives. Jonny put up with a lot of his shit over the years and they had only been together for a year and a half but so much had happened to them within that time, and even before. There had been others they had been with, but Patrick couldn’t even remember their names…couldn’t remember what they even looked like. Jonny was always his and he was always Jonny’s.

Jonny pulled back so he could really see Patrick, “C’mon, let’s go find out daughter!”

Patrick beamed at him and nodded. He turned, keeping a tight grip on Jonny’s hand as he pushed his way through the group, ducking away from flying elbows and waving arms, shouting along with the guys to keep them and the crowd going when the roar became the slightest bit quieter.

The families were starting to pile on the ice as the guys started to disband. Patrick kept ahold of Jonny, not caring who saw because they had never tried to hide themselves before, they weren’t about to start now. Jonny had the slight height advantage as he craned his neck looking for their families; his smile almost painful when he spotted them. The two raced forward, colliding with whoever they reached first, not really sure who was who in the confusion of hugging limbs and tear-blurred vision.

Patrick pulled back, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand as Andree patted his cheek. “Where’s Addy” Patrick shouted, looking too Jonny who was caught up in a monkey hug with Erica.

“Right here,” Patrick could hear Jackie’s voice carry as she pushed through their little group. “Someone picked the worst time to need her diaper changed,” Jackie announced.

Addy’s face lit up when she spotted Patrick among all the commotion around her. “Daddy, daddy, daddy!” Her little feet kicked wildly as she shouted for Patick’s undivided attention, trying to push her way out of Jackie’s arms.

Patrick snatched her up, holding her above his head as she giggled. “WE WON, BUGGY!”

“Cup?” Addy asked, all serious, as Jonny fought to extract himself from Jessica who had latched on after Erica.

Patrick pulled her down against his chest, squeezing a fraction harder when her two little chubby arms wound around his neck. “Yes, Bug! We won the Cup…just for you!”

“Cup, cup, cup,” Addy started chanting as Jonny was finally able to make it over to them, “Papa! Cup, cup!”

Jonny plastered himself to Patrick’s side, taking Addy and kissing all over her face until she started hiccupping from laughing so hard. “CUP!” He shouted as both families joined in. Patrick got his turn with everyone after that, giving up trying to contain his tears when his mom got to him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Patrick saw Abby making her way across the ice. Behind him, Patrick could still see Sharpy and a few of the guys still huddled together, shouting loudly and smiling wildly.

Abby caught Patrick’s eye, stopping beside him. “Do you mind?” She asked as she held Maddy out towards him. Patrick knew that look in Abby’s eyes; that was the look that had drove him out of their house on quite a few occasions when Patrick was afraid they were going to start getting it on right in front of him. Abby was hungry and from the looks of it, Sharpy was about to get his world rocked.

Patrick took Maddy, blowing a raspberry against her cheek as he watched Abby move as quickly as she could on the ice towards her husband, without falling. Sharpy saw her and turned just in time to catch her before they both crashed to the ice. Shawzy and Saader were laughing hysterically, tapping Sharpy’s skate with their own as they left the two to make out on the ice.

Patrick turned back around only to be met with a slightly disgruntled Addy who was perched in Jonny’s arms, but was staring unhappily at Patrick.

“Baby Buggy!” Maddy yelled, clapping her hands and leaning towards Addy.

“No!” Addy yelled, dodging the older toddlers hands and grabbing at Patrick’s jersey, “my Daddy!”

Addy, they’d found out, recently, was not very good at sharing Patrick, especially with Maddy. It never seemed to phase Maddy as she lovingly doted on Addy, often calling her her “baby” but Addy would have none of it. They were still trying to work it out. Patrick leaned in, kissing Addy on the cheek.

Abby and Sharpy made their way back over after a few more minutes. She didn’t even have the decency to look sheepish, Patrick laughed as she took Maddy back with a smug smile. They walked away as Sharpy wiggled his eyebrows suggestively with the biggest shit-eating grin Patrick had ever seen.

They knew the officials were getting everything in place to bring the Cup down, but they wanted to do interviews with both Patrick and Jonny before things got even crazier. Jeremy Roenick was standing off to the side by the benches, smiling wide as he flagged them both down. Jackie went to take Addy but Patrick shook his head. “I’m good,” he kissed her cheek as he and Jonny skated around the groups of people and made their way towards JR. They didn’t have much time and it looked like the camera was already rolling.

JR looked somewhat surprised that they were holding Addy but he didn’t miss a beat. “You guys good to do this together, we only got a couple minutes?”

“Fire away!” Patrick beamed.

JR nodded. “How does it feel to win the Cup for the second time?”

“Better than the first, if you can believe it?” Jonny chuckled as he shifted Addy to his right hip. “Didn’t think it was possible, but it really is!”

Patrick nodded. “So much has happened between then and now, I think we can appreciate this one eve more.”

JR tilted his head, listening to whatever he was being told through his ear piece before he pulled it out of his ear and let it hang over his shoulder. “Ok, I gotta ask. Who’s the cutie?” JR asked, reaching out and poking Addy playfully in her belly, “nice uni, kid!”

Addy buried her head in Jonny’s neck, smiling shyly at JR.

Patrick took a deep breath trying to get a hold on the adrenaline and nerves that was humming just below his skin. “She’s our daughter,” Patrick smiled. His face was actually starting to hurt, he could feel a headache starting to form at the back of his head from smiling so much.

JR froze, staring at them for a moment. No doubt understanding the magnitude of the news they were breaking to him. He shook his head, grinning like the devil, “your daughter?”

Jonny and Patrick shook their head.

“You two are the worst, telling me something like that when we have no time left.” JR shook his head but he was still grinning. He could always appreciate the level of mischief these two could bring to any interview. Patrick often reminded him of a younger version of himself. JR leveled a finger at them, “after all of this is over, I get the story!”

Patrick laughed, shifting to take Addy from Jonny. She was still playing shy, though, burying her face in Patrick’s curls.

“You’ll be the first we talk to!” Jonny promised.

Appeased, JR nodded, turning his attention back to Addy who was peeking out through Patrick’s curls. “What’s your name?”

“Addy.” Patrick volunteered, trying to shift her so JR could get a better look at her. “Adelaide Kane Toews. But we also call her Bug or Buggy.”

“Or Monster!” Sharpy shouted from his own interview a few feet away.

JR laughed, a certain level of foreboding in his voice, “oh do I have so many questions for you two. But that does explain the rather unique jersey she is wearing.”

Patrick pivoted so the camera could get a full view of her back. The number 88 was prominent under the large TOEWS across her tiny shoulders.

“I could see that combo on a jersey in the future, maybe in midgets or Juniors in 15 years or so?” JR cocked his eyebrow.

“Maybe,” Patrick shrugged looking back and forth between Addy and back up to Jonny. “I’d put money on seeing it a lot sooner than that in the big leagues.”

JR shook his head but the crowd was starting to gather as the Cup was being brought out to the ice. JR had been the one who they’d given their first interview to when they had come out together in the league; they trusted him to handle this one too. Patrick grinned, throwing over his shoulder as they skated away, “keep an eye out for it, baby!”

Watching Jonny lift the cup once more was nothing short of awe inspiring. Sharpy took it next, then Duncs and Patrick nudged Seabs forward so Duncs could hand it off to him. Jonny returned to Patrick and their families and took Addy so Patrick could take the Cup from Seabs. He skated his little loop, kissed the Cup, but his eyes always feel back to Jonny standing in the middle of both their families, smiling bigger than he’d ever seen him before, whispering something into Addy’s ear as he pointed at Patrick. Patrick handed the Cup to Hossa, encouraging him on with a slap on the ass before all but throwing himself in to Jonny’s arms. Addy clung to Patrick as Patrick grabbed the back of Jonny’s neck and pulled him down in a crushing kiss in the middle of the crowded rink as their teammates, both old and new, took their turn with the Cup; as the fans roared all around them.

Patrick couldn’t help but be grateful that he hadn’t left all those months ago when Andree had shown up on their doorstep with a car seat in her hand and a baby without a name. Things changed forever for them in that one singular moment but Patrick understood now, and possibly even then, that the changes they were facing were only going to make them stronger if they allowed it. Patrick didn’t run; he stayed and fought for something that wasn’t hockey for the first time in his life. Patrick pulled Jonny in harder against him, deepening the kiss, as he thought about all those months where they had lived together, loved each other and grew to love Addy, but he also couldn’t forget how far they fell apart and how they had worked and clawed their way back to each other.

Patrick had always believed in second chances because who knew where he would be if others hadn’t allotted him a second, or even third chance over the years. He would forever be grateful for that; forever thankful for Jonny and everything they had been through and would no doubt go through in the future. Without Jonny he wouldn’t be raising the Cup for the second time in his, albeit, short life; but more importantly, without Jonny, he wouldn’t have this family or his daughter in his arms.

The second time around was much, much sweeter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?
> 
> Are we all ready to say goodbye to Patrick, Jonny and Addy...at least for a while?
> 
> I'm offering hugs if anyone would like any after they are done!!
> 
> Please let me know what you thought about both this chapter and the story as a whole...it will help me when deciding whether or not to add more scenes here and there in the future. As always, you can get a hold of me on here or on tumblr - dannybriereisaliferuiner
> 
> Now if you will excuse me, I am off to dig in to a pint of ice cream and eat my feels away . I'm really not good at saying goodbye, if you haven't already guessed!


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